Do I have PTSD after my abusive marriage? Does therapy help?

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I was in an abusive marriage for 9 years, and I left nearly 8 years ago.
Life has been a bit of a struggle as a single mum of 3 DC, but otherwise great.

However, I still have recurring nightmares where I am still married to him, and I want to leave but I can't. I wake up feeling panicked, and it takes me a few moments to realise I am free, and then I spend a few minutes kind of re-remembering that I am free, and thinking of the things I can now do without his permission. I then feel relieved, but also some fear at what life would have been like if I stayed.

I am also very (abnormally) scared of communicating with him, which I occasionally have to do because of the DC. He was very abusive during early contact, but now he doesn't argue back at all, and just accepts whatever I am saying, but I experience sweats, palpitations etc at the thought of texting him (my texts are very short and factual, not personal or emotional in the least).

I had a mother of these dreams last night, but its been so long since I left, its crazy for me to be thinking like this and not moving on. I am wondering if I have PTSD, and what to do about it really. I had NHS counselling after I left the marriage, but it was a mixed bag - one amazing counsellor followed by a terrible one.

So this is really just me thinking out loud about what to do about these recurring dreams, if they really are PTSD, and if so, what to do about it. Can I do exercises at home myself?

Even the thought of tackling this and reliving the marriage is making my heart jump.

Bumping for you

Hello. Sorry you've had such a terrible time and I am glad you manage to break free.

I had EMDR Therapy for childhood trauma. This has greatly helped me. I would definitely recommend this therapy to anyone who has PTSD. Please give it a try. I am sure it will help set you free also.

Xx

Thank you, I have never heard of EMDR before, I will look into it. Do you think my symptoms resemble PTSD, or just normal processing? I feel like they have gone on for a long time now.

You could well have ptsd. Unless you can afford to go private, your first port of call should be your gp to get a referral. I have had CBT and EMDR for PTSD and i found the emdr more effective - but i had that after i had all the cbt which was also incredibly helpful. Good luck

That does sound like PTSD. The thing is, when you leave a traumatic situation counselling can only help you with what you are dealing with at the time, and its not as straight forwards as getting over it and moving on. Things resurface and we have to revisit them and process them all over again; and imo thats most likely to happen at around 18 months and 7 years later. Which is where you are now.

Its really irritating to have moved away form a dangerous and stressful situation, only to have it crop up again years later; but its not unusual or crazy.
EMDR is available on the NHS - just make sure you let your GP know how bad the nightmares are when you ask for a referral.

Hi OP - I had PTSD following a traumatic experience and had the classic symptoms of flashbacks, obsessive thoughts/mentally replaying, hypervigilance and relentless anger. Counselling with a counsellor who specialised in PTSD three years after 'the event' was extraordinarily helpful.

You could quite easily have PTSD - you lived for 9 years feeling unsafe/threatened/not in control. But to be honest, it doesn't really matter if you put a label on it or not - it sounds like there are things which are continuing to be a burden to you, long after you escaped the marriage, and from my experience you won't be able to 'put down the burden' until you face it head on. Facing it and dealing with the emotions etc can be hard work, but is so worth it - the relief when you can walk away feeling unburdened is incredible!

Talking about and going over the traumatic events can be difficult and make you emotional, but in my case the counsellor validated my experience and feelings and completely changed my view of the situation and myself.

I had felt weak and inferior that this event had happened and my brain had reacted in such a way as to develop PTSD. After the help of the counsellor I felt stone - I'd come through something horrible and was a brave survivor with nothing to feel embarrassed about.

Unfortunate life events have of course happened to me since - bereavement, end of marriage etc - but the counselling I received helped to put me in a stronger position, and I think i've been more able to carry on through the bad times and cope because I got through bad stuff before - if that makes sense.

It sounds like you lived through hell with your ex, and you are absolutely worth investing the time and effort needed to work through the emotional baggage you're lugging around with you. I promise you it'll be worth it when you feel lighter and free.