Friend incessantly bringing up exam results

[Wantthisfriend]

I have a friend who is constantly brings up how well her DC are doing at school. Sometimes directly saying "they've achieved XYZ" other times saying things like "what does a 1 mean, DC has just got one and I'm not sure if its good" (1 is the best mark they can get at our school).
Trouble is, my DC are very low achievers academically and it crushes me to have to then discuss how 'badly' they are doing. Friend knows their circumstances and is well aware that mine have educational needs, although she once said my DC need to snap out of it and not wallow.
I began feeling happy for her, but 5 years in and it comes up at every report day, term assessment results and sports days, then yesterday, she makes a beeline for me to discuss how rare it is for all DCs in a family to be such high achievers at their age, (all the kids are between 8 and 11). Once, she announced one of her DCs achieving top of the class marks, and when I asked the teacher what my DCs result was, he said the papers hadn't been marked yet.
I know constant bragging like this is a sign of hidden insecurity about something else, but my tolerance for it is wearing thin. Please can you help me to let her know how it makes me feel without sounding like I'm raining on her parade?

Why is she even a friend?? Tell her to bore off.

I'm sorry but I don't think she's worth it. No matter how good of a friend she is I'd have to cut her loose. My dsis used to do similar and I just started to stare into space when she started the whole "you got a first too, didn't you?" after saying no 100000 times. I said the next time she did if I was goina just say "yeah" but thankfully it stopped.

Stop tolerating it. It’s awful.

Blurt it out.. Jane... I am really happy that your family are all clever.. but can you have a bit of tack and see that perhaps I am not your most appreciative of audiences in this respect.

She sounds awful. You are right, she is clearly insecure with her lot in life and feels the need to put others down so she feels superior. Any decent person would recognise that your children have educational needs and would be diplomatic about their academic achievements, whilst recignising your DC's non-academic achievements.

I would distance myself from her and try to build / focus on other friendships.

I don't think explaining how it makes you feel will help, as she surely already knows that.

*recognising

Follow it up quickly with a ... I'm going to get some water.. do you want some?

I'd go with 'fuck off' but I suspect that's not what you're after.

How vile of her.
She's got used to you not being able to compete & loves that feeling of being top dog.
Stop this horrible nonsense right now. I'm getting the rage on your behalf!

I would calmly but fairly loudly tell her you are very proud of your own dc & do not want to discuss results with her. Repeat if necessary but my guess is she'll back off fairly quickly & find someone else to bore.
She does sound insecure & also devoid of empathy. Oh & a total twat.

My ds had learning difficulties at school and now he earns as much as me, flying around in a fancy car etc. My dd wasctop of the class..always..has quite a low paying job as chose a niche area. School success does not necessarily mean work success so engage as little as possible and watch this space as dc get older.

Ugh she does sound like a bit of a twat. Is she a good friend in other ways? I'm not sure I could put up with that sort of nonsense.

I would just bluntly say that it is quite stressful for you to hear, given that your own children will not achieve in the same way hers will.

I know what this feels like and it made me really despise the person who did it . I avoided like the plague after a while.

"Us thickos over here couldn't give a shit, so go fuck off and bore someone else with your bloody tactless, insensitive boasting." or is that just a touch blunt...

When she says "what does a 1 mean, DC has just got one and I'm not sure if its good" again, you need to reply with “well it’s just as well they haven’t got your memory because they’d definitely fail their exams if so, since I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve asked me that question.”*

Tell her you think a 1 means that they have failed as you think 10 is the top mark. Watch her face fall as she suddenly has to remember what a 1 actually means.

I would have some fun with this.

Channel your inner 'Liz' from Motherhood!!

You could pretend not to hear them. Wait until they finish and keep waiting and then say, sorry did you say something.
This works well as I sneak turn my hearing aids off when someone starts a monologue.

More ideas.

Enrol your dc in music lessons piano violin, guitar, vocal or whatever (not tuba) then you can brag about it to her every time she starts on about the grades.

Find or hire a tutor on fiverr, upwork for your DC for their subjects and when their grades go up, you can mention your DC

Find a tutor to teach them another language. repeat above.

I knew somone like this all three kids incredibly high acheivers and all three ended up with either drug or alcohol problems. None of them finished uni, it was actually really tragic.

The way I manage it is to change the topic and if I could allow myself to be more direct I would go by what @ChateauMargaux said.

Doesn’t get it? Bin her, if she knows your children struggle in school and keeps doing it she not a friend.

Probably I should take my own advice… One of DS’s friends’ mum is like that, I keep hearing how academic, sociable and top at sports her child is. She especially dug the knife telling me of all these STEM schemes her academically gifted son was being selected for, which DS was never invited to.

Who do you think ended up in the top uni??? My dyslexic child 😁
I realised in the last year of a levels that all those STEM schemes her child was invited to and mine wasn’t were aimed to children living in low participation postcodes, DS wasn’t invited just because we had the wrong postcode even if they were better off financially than us.

Is she a good friend in other ways? If not, I think I'd have lost patience ages ago and stopped entering into conversations (be on the phone, talking to someone else, cutting her short, whatever). If this is salve to her insecurity then you don't owe her that if it's making you feel worse.

Lmao they're between 8 and 11 xD how the fuck do they have exams? What in? That's hilarious. I would rip the piss out of her big time. And them walk away.

She isn't insecure, she is just a nasty cow who has found your insecurity and is using it against you. She is not your friend.

Urgh, would avoid this ‘friend’ and pity her DC!

I had a friend whose kids all went to a very high achieving school. She told me, as far as GCSEs went, 'anything less than a 9 is worthless. She spent thousands paying for them all to get through uni. Two of them have been doing bar work for years....nothing wrong with that, but...tee hee....meanwhile my far more average kids are doing really well and are really nice humans. Regardless of their SHAMEFUL lack of grade 9's....

Ah, thank you all. I was begining to think that her behaviour was reasonable and I was the one being too sensitive etc etc. Your replies have set me back on reality and many made me really laugh! I've stored up some things to reply (LOVED yours Sonjadog), and will trot them out as the situation sees fit. Will let you know how/when I crush her!

I'm sorry she is not a friend. I grew up with this and it was awful. I agree with you, it is to do with insecurities. Phase her out.