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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need a shake/advice

2 replies

Helplost1 · 16/11/2021 21:43

I am posting here anonymously because I think I need someone to talk some sense into me.
I have young 2 kids have been married 7 years it’s been a rough few years (pandemic aside) relationship wise with my husband. We no longer are intimate and I have tried to broach our failing bond a few months ago but he doesn’t talk and that’s just his way.
I returned back from maternity about 18 months ago straight into a work from home scenario. Here gets the stupid bit.

I have developed a crush on a younger coworker(11 years) which is fine it happens and its normal crushes are normal. However I don’t know if my personal circumstances are making me think we are destined to be together (I am cringing as well here I sound ridiculous I know) and we talk remotely and until last weekend at a work colleagues get together some of us met. We seemed to gravitate to each other he stopped with me until I could get a taxi and we talked about so much nothing untoward or no suggestion of anything but I felt a connection with them. I feel poleaxed because I know I am reading into something that isn’t there I need to get over this crush. This week it has been fine at work but paranoid they have picked up on my crush and feel ridiculous it’s probably an objective thing. So my first ridiculous question first am I had some ridiculous adolescent style crush (I know the answer to this) and reading into something that isn’t there? My relationship with my husband is in tatters pretty much but I just need someone to give me a shake or just be brutal with to me how do I get over this crush when I don’t feel like I want to get over it. Again I know the answer get a grip but need to hear it from anyone! Thank you.

OP posts:
shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 16/11/2021 21:55

Having a crush is fantasy as you have no idea how real life compatible you would be with this person and you don't know them in a relationship scenario

You are clinging to fantasy because your reality is making you unhappy.

Life is to short to be unhappy.

Talk with and get therapy with DH or consider leaving them.

I don't mean it flippantly but really life is too short try and find some happiness that doesn't come from (potentially cheating) daydreaming about a crush

Helplost1 · 19/11/2021 17:24

Thank you that is such sound advice and I know it in my own head and heart as a rational grown up woman!
It feels ridiculous because I am
not a teenager and I know it’s stemming from my current life situation. Thank you it’s great advice I need to tackle this entire situation head on really and rather than focusing on some ridiculous crush I have think of the reality of the situation. Thank you.

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