How do you know you've fallen out of love?

[Sillawithans]

Just that really.

When you're asking this question. People who are in a loving, healthy relationship don't ask it. It doesn't cross their minds.

When you feel like their mother all the time.

When even the way they eat or breath just irritates you, or their general demeanour or mannerisms. A bit like getting the 'ick'.

When you don’t look forward to them coming home. When silly little things they do irritate you beyond belief. When you enjoy time apart more than together and when you imagine the future…they’re not in it.

That’s how I knew anyway….

Yep I’m going through this I’m just can’t be bothered anymore, I don’t mind food shopping locally but that’s it.

When you get the ick/don't want them touching you anymore.

And when you're asking the question. Sorry man.

When you don’t care about them.

When they or their needs are not on your mind.

When you are unable to muster up respect.

When you are not inclined to put yourself out to be kind.

Think of him with another woman. How does that make you feel?
Sick?
Jealous?
Or indifferent?

Realising I didnt really care anymore was a turning point for me. Before, the very thought of him intimate with someone else would upset me.

When you don't want them to touch you. When I realised this, suddenly I became so aware of how much I had fallen out of love.

Questioning this myself. Not sure if I've fallen out of love, too stressed, or just a menopausal mood hoover

I think this is really hard and want to give a full answer that I think I might have found helpful when I’ve wondered this.
I think relationships all have different seasons and there is a huge difference between major red flags which I agree would be not wanting to be touched by them ever and what I think are not unusual patches of feeling a bit disconnected or in need of space. The three times our marriage really felt - not loveless as I’ve always loved him - but not like we were in love were to do with structural things.

I had a very bad reaction to the implant which made me lose all my sex drive entirely and just view him as a dear pal not a lover; he came back from working in a warzone with clear trauma he refused to acknowledge much less initially address and then when our kids were tiny we did become basically loving colleagues giving all our time to work and care not each other. In between those phases and since we have been very happy and I still get butterflies from him holding my hand, but it hasn't always been like that.

Worth asking if there are pressures keeping you from giving each other the time you need together or making you unhappy external to the relationship before giving up on the relationship I think.

Butterflies died years ago this year has showed me lots .

I'm in this situation now. I feel I've grown apart from my partner.

I don't enjoy sex, I've lost that connection, if she goes out with friends I have no urge to text to see how the night is going as I always used to. I just seem to have lost all interest.

We have been together 20 years and it's breaks me to feel like this. But I just can't shake the feeling.

I don't know what to do really 😔

-When you wish he moved to another country

• or found another woman and it doesn’t upset you
• when his breathing irritates you

-you cringe inside when he touches you and sex gets into incest territory -you can’t be bothered to listen when he is talking at you -when you go to a restaurant you look forward to having a tasty meal rather than a lovely time with your partner

When you repeatedly make excuses for shit parenting to your child, and he complains about it
"you told DS I was ill, why?"
"because I didn't want to say sorry DS your dad's a useless wanker"

When’s chatting and your thinking iv heard this before and before.

When the crappy Simpson’s is on yet again I just play on my Ipad I’ll disappear into the bedroom and watch my stuff.

I can relate to some of these replies.

I think our relationship turned into a friendship and that's why I'm asking.

-When how they breathe, chew, talk or do any normal activity grates your nerves
-When you don't look forward to seeing them or even talking to them all that much
-When you stop including them in future plans or dreams
-When you start "using" them to pass time until someone better comes along
-When they touch you and either you cringe or don't feel anything at all
-When you know that you don't really care if something happens to them
-When they arent the first person you think to share good/bad news with
-When having sex with them is like having sex with your sibling/feels like a chore or a box to tick to keep them quiet

I wouldn't cringe or get the ick about sex.
I've tried imagining him with another woman and because it's not reality it doesn't bother me.

Another of his crap jokes I’ve heard a million times before🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

@Frauhubert

-When you wish he moved to another country

• or found another woman and it doesn’t upset you
• when his breathing irritates you

-you cringe inside when he touches you and sex gets into incest territory -you can’t be bothered to listen when he is talking at you -when you go to a restaurant you look forward to having a tasty meal rather than a lovely time with your partner

This is pretty good indication - @Frauhubert

However, what's described here in some places is an active dislike of another person. I would say lack of romantic love is a bit more neutral than that.

@sunnyzweibrucken

-When how they breathe, chew, talk or do any normal activity grates your nerves -When you don't look forward to seeing them or even talking to them all that much -When you stop including them in future plans or dreams -When you start "using" them to pass time until someone better comes along -When they touch you and either you cringe or don't feel anything at all -When you know that you don't really care if something happens to them -When they arent the first person you think to share good/bad news with -When having sex with them is like having sex with your sibling/feels like a chore or a box to tick to keep them quiet

Again, I would say some of these things are not in love and some of them are dislike/sexual disgust/hate which don't always accompany a lack of love.

Disgust -

• When how they breathe, chew, talk or do any normal activity grates your nerves
• When they touch you and either you cringe or don't feel anything at all
• When you know that you don't really care if something happens to them
• When having sex with them is like having sex with your sibling/feels like a chore or a box to tick to keep them quiet

Lack of love/relevance/interest/intimate feelings

• When you don't look forward to seeing them or even talking to them all that much

-When you stop including them in future plans or dreams -When you start "using" them to pass time until someone better comes along -When they arent the first person you think to share good/bad news with

This is a difficult one because long term marriages or partnerships most definitely ebb and flow through different stages.

Stress can absolutely be a leading factor in feeling separate from your partner, especially the stress of having young kids - when something or someone is demanding so much utter need from you, you can sometimes feel as though you have zero to give. It can feel as though you’re treading water just to keep yourself going, let alone worry about yet someone else and nurturing a relationship. And when you’re not in sync, it can feel like your partner is a barrier to you just getting through the day. I think this is all more prone to happen when your partner is also feeling stressors. You just can’t look after each other.

Saying all that, even when all the above may be happening, it should probably still be the case that you still feel deep-rooted love for them and look forward to better times ahead and WANT things to get better.

What’s the context of these worries or lack of feelings? How do you feel in yourself day to day?

I’ve come to realise this year the thought of this for next 20 years or so just depressed me, I felt this back in March and July especially.