Drugs

[Usernamename1]

Hi I don’t even know where to start my head is spinning so I’m sorry if it’s a long one and hope it makes sense. I feel like I can’t even think straight at the minute.

I’ve just found out my OH has been using drugs for the past at least 6 months. We’ve Had issues in the past with him drinking and hiding hid it and telling lies etc. He Had a couple of counselling sessions and it’s took me a few years to forgive and trust again.

Now this has come out just now, I’ve said he needs to leave and it’s over for me.

The thing is as much as I really want it to be over I feel like I can’t do this on my own, we have 3 kids together two of which are under 2 , been together over 10 years. He earns all the money I have a part time job which doesn’t bring in a lot and which I do when he is home from work to take over the childcare. I honestly don’t know how I will cope financially without him here and also how I will even carry on with my job if he’s not here to help with childcare. Not to mention I feel awful for my children who will be so sad to not have their dad here all the time. I know I will be able to get some help with benefits etc but it just scares me when you read about people struggling to put food on the table and heat their homes, I would be fine on my own but I’m worried for my kids.

I don’t even know what the point of this post is I just can’t bear to tell anyone in real life yet because it’s only just come out tonight and also feel so embarrassed

What drugs?

You will cope. We all think we can't but we do. You are stronger than you think you are.

Try and get someone to talk through about the finances.

I'm a single parent, it isn't always easy but we cope ok. And if you're working, bonus. Even if you're not bringing in too much, you might be surprised with benefits that you might have more than you imagine. There are websites like www.entitledto.co.uk/ which can help you work out how much you could get and also he will be obliged to give you some maintenance most likely.

You can get help with childcare even though your kids are younger than 2, I never knew that till I had an appointment with the job centre recently. Or you can get full benefits & not work while they are under 3.
Don't stay for financial reasons if you're not happy. You will cope on your own and you will be okay.

Whats he taking?
Bit of a difference between an occasional spliff, than smoking crack or injecting heroin.

What drugs and how often? You will get help from the benefits and he will have to pay maintenance. It’s a big change but you will have security.

Thanks for the replies and I will check out that website to work out how much help I can get.

It’s such a big mess and heartbreaking because other than this he literally ticks all the boxes he’s an amazing dad to the kids he’s so caring would do anything for me etc he works hard and looks after us all . I just don’t know how it can all go so wrong why would he do this. I know deep down I will be okay and I will have to cope it’s just so scary and I’m worried I will feel guilty for breaking up our family even though it’s him that’s done this not me

It’s speed and I think it has been daily but I’m not sure what to believe.

How will you manage in the future when he's lost his job, his drivers license and emptied out your bank accounts due to his drug addiction? Separating from him and having control over your future must have greater appeal to you than being on a ride and he's driving your entire family off the proverbial cliff! Maybe he will go to rehab and reform,who knows?! Right now you need to think practically on how best to protect your family's future. An addict only thinks of himself. Get legal advice. I recommend narcotics anonymous. Good luck

@EKGEMS thank you I do agree with everything you are saying and he’s just proved to me again that he is capable of living a lie and has no problem lying to my face and hiding things from me. Just a really shitty situation to be in but I will pick myself back up