Insecure and nervous re dating

[Gonnagetgoing]

I’ve been in touch with someone since early summer. We’ve only had 2 dates as he works very hard (some weekends) but this would be changing in New Year and he also lives the other side of London to me.

We’ve had a lot of phone calls, texts etc. He’s a nice man and easy to talk to, he says he really likes me and sees a relationship with me.

So both times when I met him he said I was nice but he could be nasty. The second time he said he didn’t want to hurt me after saying this. He’s quite honest but I did find him easy to talk to in person and also very easy to be with.

We were supposed to arrange a third date but I read a few articles re above which says to run a mile from a man like this.

I’m feeling a bit nervous and also insecure re dating generally so I suppose that’s not great from my perspective.

So after not hearing from him as I wanted to talk re what he said to me, I texted him to say to leave things and he agreed as he would do.

Anyway, just would like insight. Would what he said put you off or was I being insecure/over sensitive? My track record re relationships isn’t great anyway well not in past few years.

When someone tells you who they are, LISTEN.

In any case he’s not that into you.

Yep, run a mile. He’s paving the way for being nasty to you, then when you get upset he’ll say ‘I told you so’ and dismiss your feelings.

Awful.

• Unavailable because of work (if true) probably wouldn't resolve after Christmas.

• "I can be nasty" and "I don't want to hurt you" are warnings - why wouldn't you heed them? People don't say these things about themselves for shits & giggles.

Hurrah for the articles.

He's actually told you, in words, himself, that he's nasty. How clear a sign do you want?

On the point of 'over-sensitive', there's no such thing. You are the right level of sensitive for you. Certain things will upset you that wouldn't upset others, certain things will make you worry that wouldn't worry others. There's no right or wrong. There are people more sensitive than you, and people less sensitive than you. Try to see your feelings as signposts, rather than obstacles to you 'getting it right'. If someone sets off your sensitivities, stop being around them, otherwise you'll feel sensitive all the time, and that feels horrible.

Date as much as you want to, but only keep dating people with whom you consistently feel good. Nobody is too x or too y when they're with a person who accepts them for who they are, with all their sensitivities and triggers also accepted.

Your feelings are your soul and your heart talking to you. Listen to them and respect what they tell you. Put them with people who make them feel good. They are the real you, the raw, wild you. Respect her, and she will take care of you like nobody else ever could. She will be your healthy boundaries, she will be your 'no'. She will be your power to walk away. She will also be your ability to love and trust wholeheartedly, and she will be the part of you that will fully feel it when you're happy. Listen to her.

@Squeezedtillipop - how’s he not that into me?

I don’t get why people play games. Just why?

Why are you bothering with this man jeez

You can’t get clearer than that can you? Stay away.

@TurnUpTurnip

Why are you bothering with this man jeez

@TurnUpTurnip - I’m bothering with him because before this and even in between when we last met he was nice.

But I won’t bother now.

[quote Gonnagetgoing]@Squeezedtillipop - how’s he not that into me?

I don’t get why people play games. Just why?[/quote]
It's not really a game - it's a test. The "where are your boundaries" test.

He's telling you exactly how he is .
Get the fuck away from him ASAP he will leave you a shell of yourself.

You have seen each other TWICE - he's not really interested , is he other than the chit chat etc online ? Thank your lucky stars and block his number . He is a prick !

You have only met twice despite talking to him since the summer, this is going nowhere.
Then he has told you that he can be nasty.
Run away now

He wasn't into you, even if he was a nasty person he was saying that to put you off on purpose, working alot, too much to date you is also another sign that he's not bothered about seeing you or is seeing someone else.
You did the right thing to put a end to it, he sounds like far too much hard work, only date someone that is keen to see you and arranges dates easily.

"So both times when I met him he said I was nice but he could be nasty."

This thing lying dead on the carpet above?

Sounds like he's vaguely into Dom, has no idea what he's doing and may well have been blaclisted by his local scene.

It's a no from me

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation - I don’t think he is into Dom but is into other things.

@samesign - he does work really hard and he and are on other side of London to each other.

But I agree he was saying whatever he was saying on purpose and his number is now blocked, blocked on FB etc just in case.

I just feel a bit stupid re being hooked in.

He's checking to see what you'll allow. Run. Sounds like he turns cruel to partners eventually.

@Courtier - yes, he’s only had 2 long term relationships, 1 with the mother of his daughter and the other after that.

He told me when the other relationship ended they were on holiday and broke up then and he was crying on the plane on the way back with her, so I think she’d had enough and he probably was cruel.

Anyway lucky escape for me!