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Did I mess this up?

23 replies

Tiny2018 · 16/11/2021 16:52

Hi ladies, just looking for some advice as to whether or not you feel I have totally overreacted to a situation that occured last night with my partner of around 8 months.

So we were sat watching a Youtube video on his phone when a Tinder notification with a pink heart and some text popped up on the top bar of his phone. Before I had chance to read the text, he swiped it from the screen in a panic. Initially I tried to ignore it but after observing his behaviour recently and noting that his phone is pretty much glued to him most of the time, I asked what it was. He claimed he didn't know. Visibly panicking, he started scrolling aimlessly through hs emails then went to review a solicitors in his area (which if not for the fact my gut was going loony was actually hilarious).

I stated that it clearly wasn't an email, so where had the notificatuon gone and what was it. Asked him to show me his Tinder account (we met on POF so knew he'd likely had one at some point. He complained that he'd have to download the app, to which I asked him to do. He then went up to the toilet and was in there for a stupidly long period of time.
At this point I lost my temper and asked him to leave, which he did with no issue.

This morning, once I'd calmed down, I rang and asked for the truth, saying that as far as I'm aware if a user had been inactive for 8 months he should not still be receiving notifications. He responded that he had the app installed until around a month of us seeing each other but then deleted it. Went on to say that he had received 2-3 notifications since then saying 'new activity', but had only opened one of them 2 weeks ago out of curiosity, saw he had a few likes then came off it.

I call bullshit (and consequently was actually incredibly nasty before I hung up, which with hindsight was shit). Am I wrong? Have I been played for a fool here?

Thank you in advance to anyone who helps me decipher this mess.

OP posts:
Asmadasahatter · 16/11/2021 16:56

You’re not in the wrong at all. He was dodgy, his reaction alone says enough.

NotExactlyOptimistic · 16/11/2021 16:57

Sorry OP it's bullshit. As you well know x

Vapeyvapevape · 16/11/2021 16:59

He’s quite clearly lying , I wouldn’t invest any more time in this relationship.

Vapeyvapevape · 16/11/2021 16:59

And how on earth do you think you’ve messed this up ?

Waahingwashingwashing · 16/11/2021 17:00

He’s on tinder. You know he is.

ImprobablePuffin · 16/11/2021 17:00

You've messed nothing up you've just figured him out. Cut your losses, this one is not a keeper.

TheFoundations · 16/11/2021 17:09

It doesn't matter what he's done or hasn't done. Your gut is screaming at you not to trust him. If you ignore it, you'll be in a relationship with somebody you don't trust, long-term. Even if he's innocent, that's not how you want to live, is it? It's not love.

Tiny2018 · 16/11/2021 17:14

Vapeyvapevape because I'm not overly familiar with how notifications work on dating apps. I used them myself this year where I found him, but am now doubting myself as to whether or not his story is plausible.

TheFoundations, youre absolutely right, only pretty much every relationship I've been in I've been cheated on in one way or another so feel it's possible for my gut to be off.

OP posts:
NotExactlyOptimistic · 16/11/2021 17:16

Why not set a fake profile up yourself and trap him that way? The fucking prick. Why are 80% of men just useless fucking pricks?! A dildo is more loyal than most of them.

evabream · 16/11/2021 17:17

Well done on your excellent gut and boundaries. Wine

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 16/11/2021 17:19

Bullshit, bullshit with a hefty helping of bullshit!

He took his phone to the loo to delete all incriminating evidence.

He's been caught with his pants down op. Walk away whilst you're not tied to this man. If it was innocent he'd have clicked on the notification when it came through

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 16/11/2021 17:25

He's a liar. His behavior is that of someone who has been caught misbehaving.

Salayes · 16/11/2021 17:27

You don’t get notifications from Tinder if it’s deleted as far as i’m aware so he at least still had a profile and app on his phone. Whether it was a message from someone or a general notification from Tinder he’d have to have an account to receive a notification.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 16/11/2021 17:28

I'd also call bullshit here. Sorry OP

Youknownothingsnow · 16/11/2021 17:30

@NotExactlyOptimistic

Why not set a fake profile up yourself and trap him that way? The fucking prick. Why are 80% of men just useless fucking pricks?! A dildo is more loyal than most of them.
@NotExactlyOptimistic I did that with a guy that I was dating for a few months! It worked a charm, then set up a fake date etc. It was really cathartic 😂
Tiny2018 · 16/11/2021 17:34

Notexactlyoptimistic I believe he deleted it last night in the toilet.

OP posts:
NotExactlyOptimistic · 16/11/2021 17:37

@Tiny2018

Notexactlyoptimistic I believe he deleted it last night in the toilet.
For now! Get rid mate
NotExactlyOptimistic · 16/11/2021 17:38

Did you turn up to the date? Tell him what a cunt he is etc? Please say you did!

Lightstoobright · 16/11/2021 17:38

Yeah agree with PPs. He can fuck off from whence he came.

Vapeyvapevape · 16/11/2021 20:17

So disappointing for you but at least you have found out now rather than years down the line, small consolation though.
Why do men do this??

Sillawithans · 16/11/2021 21:08

He's on tinder.

I once set up a fake date with my ex husband.

Twat.

Theturnofthepoo · 16/11/2021 21:17

Leave him in the bog where he belongs. Flush this one away op. Let’s hope he’s not a floater eh.

KintsugiForever · 16/11/2021 21:20

Yep, he's on there. I was on tinder and when I deleted it there were no notifications. One of my exes and I were watching a video on his phone and he got a gaydar notification. Said to my face he had no idea what it was. Honestly. I wonder if they're so used to lying they believe their bs themselves.

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