Do any of you have an oh whose mother has been depressed for many years

[poorkate]

And how had it impacted him over the course of his life and his relationships?
My oh's mother has been clinically depressed and disabled for most of his adult life and I often wonder if that has had a negative impact on him and his relationships.
While he is independent at nearly 50 years f age, he craves affection and communication and is over complimentary when I cook( which I love to do) help him clean up , generally make his life easier.
We are partners in the sense of the word but I definitely see that ye is so appreciative and grateful for being ' minded' when he is sick . Almost like he is not used to tenderness and care which is given freely and with love.
He doesn't want a mother in me but the mothering is overly appreciated and sometimes it is like he can't believe it .
Any experiences here ?

Anyone ?

I don't have any experience of this myself. I have observed though and fully believe that good, loving, stable relationships can be healing and therapeutic for many people. Love itself can be healing. Partners can validate each other, and that can often make up for lack of affection or care in childhood.
The nurturing in a relationship can go a long way.
Apologies if all this sounds garbled.

This is not to say, women are a rehab centre for badly raised men. Your dp just seems to be very appreciative of what he didn't have growing up.

If the mothers issues have only been present since he's been an adult and genuinely not there in his formative years

I doubt that is caused his personality traits mentioned.

However some of your description could potentially suggest something was perhaps missing in his upbringing.

He could just be pleased/polite etc. ?

Relational healing is what the PP refers to I think.

The issues began in his formative years ... when he was 16. His more ther has been depressed and incapacitated on and off since then.there has been much family tragedy and ye has many siblings.
She was and is by all accounts a wonderful mother who has been blighted by sadness and tragedy all through her life.
As a man he is so caring, kind and gentle but I can see that he relishes compassion, kindness and attention. In fact I would say that sometimes he finds it all so strange as he is not used to being reseated with kindness and respect in previous relationships. He adores it and is equally giving and tender but I do wonder if his
Mother's illnesses have stunted his emotional and attachment development.
It upsets me to hear him
Say that at time he feels like I
Am too good for him or telling his family/ friends that he's never had a partner like this before ; whereas to me, there is nothing unusual.... just basic respect and kindness.. it is equal .

Are you getting sick of his gratitude, OP? It sounds like you’re fed up of his over effusiveness and I can empathise, it’s just you doing the normal thing that partners do. Are you ok accepting him doing this or will it drive you nuts?