Narcissists & kissing…

[Nov910]

I appreciate I’ve started posts before..please bear with, this could be important to some and make them see the light a bit better.

I’m still Struggling with the whole narcissistic thing, it’s hard to ‘get’ but when i saw this flash up on my phone this morning it suddenly made me think.

Long story short, they meet you, the kissing is like it should be when you meet them (they know after all what we want) they mirror ..then it changes. Not like in a ‘normal’ relationship that naturally loses a bit of that excitement, but because they’ve lured you in. They then know it upsets you (I’ve remarked to my ex before) but they make excuses as to why, all the while making it sound reasonable.
I struggle with many aspects of the whole narc process but this really hit me.
Watch it on YouTube if you want it explained better than I can do!

Ok

What 🤷🏼‍♀️

It basically shows the rare ‘emotional’ side they usually get away with as only someone whose experienced this will know. As I said the video explains it better.

Is it all starting to make sense to you now? Do you wonder how you never realised it before?

Yes, the only time my ex kissed me was during sex. Then even that stopped. His method of kissing changed somehow from the early days when I used to enjoy it to during sex when it was just sloppy and unpleasant.

I guess narcs don't really feel the kissing like non-narcs do. And that's probably because they don't have a proper 'self' do to the feeling.

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about your ex?

Interesting...my ex has some very narc aspects to his personality and he didn't like kissing very much. He bemoaned our lack of a sex life but when I said if he just kissed me that would make so much difference to me, he wouldn't do it. Instead it was all on me because I didn't dress up/watch stuff with him etc. I just wanted a snog!

@ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about your ex?

If he is a narc, she will do, inevitably.

Had a flash back the thought of kissing the narc makes me 🤮

@rampitup yes I am. Sadly. If you haven’t experienced a relationship like this before you don’t really understand what’s happening until you look into it.

@ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp yes because it’s recent and after 5 yrs a shock and upsetting

@pinkflask yes I understand what you’re saying. It’s an odd thing I know but a change I had noticed and just thought maybe he was just getting bored. Because they don’t seem to have the same ‘emotional’ side to us it’s easy for them to just not kiss us like they used to. Sad. I joked to mine at points ‘it’s like kissing my Nan’ yet I’ve realised if I felt he was holding back (sex inc) and I beat him to it by getting out of bed and not making a move he wouldn’t be impressed.

They use kissing and sex to lure you in, then during 'devaluation' they remove it as part of that process. It's a bit of a shock at the time and you wonder if it's you that's the problem and you start to crave that again. But it rarely, if ever, goes back to what it was for any consistent period of time. It's all part of the push and pull of a narc relationship. Yes there are psychological reasons behind why it happens even if they are unaware, but it doesn't really matter because it's hurtful behaviour. Best off out of it, these people do huge damage.

@KintsugiForever yes, thanks worded better than I did! It’s hurtful, confusing, odd?!
I just feel a mix of sad and cross