DH quitting smoking

[Pukch]

NC as frankly this is embarrassing and I don't know how to deal with it.

We have recently moved house and it was an extremely stressful time. We also have a toddler who is a gorgeous handful. Both DH and I took solace in our usual coping mechanisms, his was going back to smoking which he hasn't done in years.

We're not yet settled in the house and there is loads to do. It is very hard with a toddler. It is still very stressful. DH has chosen this time to quit smoking.

He is two weeks in and it is like he has had a personality transplant. Despite being on the patches he is very negative about everything, picky, hyper vigilant to any perceived slight.

I am finding it very hard to deal with. I have my own stresses to contend with and do not have the headspaceto be his emotional punchbag.

Apparently he hates the house, wishes we had never bought it, its my fault we bought it, its too expensive, he is worried about money, its too stressful and essentially ALL MY FAULT.

Obviously its not as he is a grown adult with free will who spent 6 months going through conveyancing. He is taking zero responsibility for his own actions and putting everything on me.

This is bad enough, but the thing is, he really isn't like this usually. He isn't good with change but this move is two years in the planning!!

I've no idea how to handle this, and would appreciate some advice.

Is it a quitting smoking thing?

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. We have recently moved house with a toddler and it's hard work! My partner is also an occasional 'secret' smoker.

With regards to the house; did he originally want to move? Did he like the house previously? Has his behaviour changed since quitting smoking or did he have issues prior to this?

Quitting smoking can definitely make you more short tempered and more irritable but it does pass. Just ensure he is on the right dose of patches for the amount he was smoking, also if the patches aren't quite enough he can combine an oral product alongside them to take the edge off.

Thanks for replying @Notonthenewrug. Yes he was originally keen on the house and wanted to move. I think part of it is that we keep finding unexpected issues with the house that need money/time to deal with. Both of which are in short supply.

I do think there are underlying issues and he may well be depressed/questioning things in mid-life. He won't be told though, not even in a supportive way.

I have been trying to keep calm, but apparently my calm voice is patronising. Literally everything I say results in a negative reaction, its exhausting and out of the ordinary.