The inexplicable 'I never meant to hurt you'

[justgettingonwith]

A cheater's phrase which baffles me still is 'I never meant to hurt you'.

I don't get why they say this. Anyone any ideas?

If I had cheated on someone who loved me and they were upset I would say 'I'm sorry I hurt you' not 'I never meant to hurt you'.

What they mean is "I never meant for you to ever find out"

Ah of course!

@Drinkingallthewine

What they mean is "I never meant for you to ever find out"

This. Plus of course saying that they "never meant to hurt" is part of convincing themselves that they are a good person which is very important to them. Which is also why you get "you drove me away" and other justifications which reinforce their belief that they are the good person who was forced by their nasty/uncaring partner into shagging around. Not being able to face up to their own failings is at the root of it.

Never meant to NOT hurt you, more like. Couldn’t give a crap either way, the other persons feelings are just collateral damage.

"I was thinking entirely of myself you never entered my head. So it can't be something I did to you"

Yes!
You see, in lots of people's minds, they are nice people and cheaters aren't nice because they cause a lot of hurt and devastation.
If you believe you are a nice person, then you can't be like Mick the Shagger down the street riding everything with a pulse because he's a right wanker and doesn't care to hide it much from his wife.

So when you cross the line, then it must be for a reason, right? You were driven to it. You fell hopelessly in love. It was an irresistible attraction and you need to follow your heart and find real happiness. He/She showed you that the 10 years you thought were wedded bliss was in fact some sort of sham all along [hmm[

When in reality, there's no difference between the two types of shaggers - except one of them knows exactly what they are and doesn't care.

I hoped you wouldn't feel hurt if you found out.
I hoped I could do what I wanted and my actions wouldn't cause consequences and I didn't really consider you when I when I was doing my bad thing.