Would you send a handwritten apology?

[Snoopfroggyfrogg]

I was dating someone really nice but got into an argument and now it's ended (fault on both sides but I accept why he is so upset, it was me that caused it to go this far). I apologised by text but didn't fully explain, it was very early when he was still upset.

I don't really want to describe what happened as it sounds poor on his part but actually wasn't. Suffice to say, neither of us cheated, lied, abused or did anything terrible, there was just a misunderstanding exaccerbated by my past experiences.

I've seen him looking at my dating profile so don't think he wants to forget I ever existed. He hasn't blocked me or anything.

I'd like to send a card or letter with a handwritten apology, explaining why I acted as I did, that I understand his reaction and feelings that I feel he is a good man and deserves a fuller picture (if not the full details of my past).

Of course I would love this to lead to a reunion, being honest, but am fully accepting of the fact it may not, and that I may not hear back. It's more about letting him know I am sorry and resolving the upset.

There's also a practical point as he gave me something he might want back for sentimental reasons. I thought I could mention this and ask him to let me know if yes, he does want it back.

I feel like we are in this position thanks to misinterpretation caused by texting so don't want to just send another text, and he wouldn't accept my call at the time of the row so don't want to keep ringing. He's somewhat closed the shutters on me.

We weren't dating long, only a few months, but got on extremely well hence (I know he was very keen on me) not wanting to just leave it on a nasty note.

Would a card/ letter come across ok, do you think, or is it an odd thing to do, especially at such an early stage?

I'm surprised that everybody seems to think that the relationship is dead. It sounds as if there has been a misunderstanding and I think your letter sounds like a really nice thing to do. It may make him feel that there may be legs in the relationship yet, or it may just allow him to feel better about you and for you both to get closure. If that's what he wants, the offer to return the gift will, I'm sure be appreciated.

What's to lose? There is too much game playing in relationships, too much guessing what people are thinking and not enough honest communication. Write the letter. The worst that can happen is that he doesn't reply. In that case you'll know that things are over. If you don't write it, then it looks like things are definitely over already. You have said that you'd like to reconcile; so give the relationship the opportunity to re-establish itself

I would do it. What have you got to loose?

What have you got to lose? As long as you can accept that you may not get any reply to that too then do it.

I wouldn’t personally though. Even if you did get back together which looks unlikely as he hasn’t been on touch, it could shift the power balance in his favour.

What about a voice memo? Could you do that? It doesn’t necessarily sound like things are dead I’m the water if this is all based on a misunderstanding.

@Hema23

What have you got to lose? As long as you can accept that you may not get any reply to that too then do it.

I wouldn’t personally though. Even if you did get back together which looks unlikely as he hasn’t been on touch, it could shift the power balance in his favour.

"it could shift the power balance in his favour".....

While I agree that the power in a relationship should be balanced, analysing all your interactions with someone to ensure that you don't give to much power away seems like a bizarre way to run a relationship, as if it was a battle rather than a partnership that brings you both pleasure. You always have the power to end a relationship if you don't like how it's going

southern it's a good idea but it would still be part of the same chat and I'd quite like to move away from that if I'm going to send anything.

Thanks all. Im leaning towards 'what have I got to lose?' I would be fully prepared for him not to reply, as I say, the main reason is to try and put right the hurt feelings I have caused, rather than change the outcome. I understand and appreciate each point of view on here and it's a mix. I just wanted a sense check to see if I got a strong response that it would be inappropriate.

He's also a bit old fashioned in some ways so it might not be quite as incongruous as writing to someone who does everything digitally.

I wouldn't as why should he invest more time with you when the relationship was hardly established and there was a major upset? If I was him, I wouldn't and no letter would change my mind...however that's because I'm older and know my boundaries.

Looking at your profile doesn't mean he is still interested

If I received that note I wouldn’t think it was stalkerish - I’d probably appreciate the apology! Just make sure it doesn’t sound as if you’re attempting to reconcile though as I’d want the apology to seem genuine with no ulterior motives.

I just wanted a sense check to see if I got a strong response that it would be inappropriate.

You have had a strong response that suggests it's inappropriate but you're choosing to ignore it because some people don't think it is.

'What have I got to lose' isn't really a justifiable reason to send it.

It shows a lack of respect for him IMO. You're pushing something that he's backed off from.

For a couple months id say tbat would come across way too intense.

But you do you op.

You clearly want to reach out to him, personally i'd save my dignity

I'm confused about the item. If it's an excuse to contact him (be honest with yourself) then don't hide behind it as a reason for getting in touch.

If you genuinely believe he would like it back then post it with a note saying "I felt it wasn't right for me to hold onto this when it holds sentimental value to you. I'm also really sorry about how things ended between us."

But don't hold your breath.