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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mother-in-Law being constantly mean

15 replies

piedflycatcher3 · 14/11/2021 18:41

Anyone else having mother in law problems? Mine has been vile to me pretty much from the moment I met her. I've lost track of the amount of times that she's insulted me but my husband does nothing and never stands up for me. My parents on the other hand are always pleasant to him and it really wants me out there she is so horrible. I've been married for over 21 years & it is really starting to get to & upset me & it's now got to the stage that she never includes me in any invitations to their house (thankfully they live about 3 hours away). I decided I didn't want the Covid vaccine (I'd already had Covid) so she rang my parents instead of me to tell them that I should still have it. She often does this kind of thing behind my back & it is really getting to me. She phones everyone else in the family except me. Can anyone else relate?

OP posts:
layladomino · 14/11/2021 19:06

If she lives 3 hours away you should be able to avoid her quite easily. I would just pretend she doesn't exist - she clearly isn't interested in you, and there's no point begging.

However, if you have to see her, and she is rude or mean, then your DH should have your back. Can he explain why he doesn't support you?

(And I know you didn't ask, but having Covid isn't a reason to not have the vaccine. You can get it again / pass it on to others the same as anyone else).

jackstini · 14/11/2021 19:11

How have you let this go on for 21 years??!!

Why does your 'D'H not stick up for you?

Do you even want her in your life?

I would either just ignore her and not see her if you don't want drama or quite honestly call her out on it when she is rude to you

She had no right to tell your parents re you not getting the jab, but maybe she was trying to protect them?

(Unless you have had all 4 variants within the last 3-6 months, your antibodies will not offer full protection; having Covid is not a legitimate reason for not getting jabbed!)

Whatinthelord · 14/11/2021 19:17

I’m so lucky with my MIL.
If I were you I’d make note of specific unkind thing she’s does, then I’d stop going to visit her and not answer her calls. If she asks why you can give her specific accurate examples of how she’s a douchebag.

What does your oh do?

Can you tell you parents not to discuss your personal details with her?

Anordinarymum · 14/11/2021 19:20

How did she find out you didn't want to get the vaccine? She's horrible to you but wants info on you at the same time? I would want to know who told her this.

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 14/11/2021 19:26

Just go no contact with her, let your dh deal with her. Don't visit, don't buy Xmas pressies or birthday. etc for her, if she wants to see the dc your dh takes them, if she comes to your house go out, tell your parents that you've gone no contact and why, and if they phone your dm tell your dm not to mention it to you.

NavyNailVarnish · 14/11/2021 19:29

Your M in L sounds similar to mine. I really feel for you. Once (after she told me I didn’t fit into her “ideal family”), my husband did actually stand up for me, but often he doesn’t and excuses her behaviour because she’s getting old. My parents think she’s vile. I don’t have any words of wisdom except that when she’s horrid, I just try to think that it’s just an example how I don’t want to be as I grow older. After a few years I stopped caring whether his family like me, she’s not going to change. I completely sympathise.

Nedclarity · 14/11/2021 19:36

You can’t do that much about MIL apart from avoid her as much as possible. As for your DH he needs to stand up for you.

BudrosBudrosGalli · 14/11/2021 23:47

Tell her to fuck off. It's very healing.

Onthedunes · 15/11/2021 00:25

Yes, end that relationship, why is she more important than you.

She's not.

You've had enough years of being disrespected, stop being the scapegoat for her, she will have to find eomeone else to be horrid to.

Onthemaintrunkline · 15/11/2021 00:31

You’ve put up with this for 21 years!! And I’m sorry to say, but your husband sounds a wet lump. What a spineless article, his first loyalty is not to his nasty Mother but to you. I’d have gone incommunicado long, long ago with her, and as for your husband I’m tempted to say I’d have done the same!

Aquamarine1029 · 15/11/2021 00:49

You've put up with her and your useless husband for 21 years? Why are your standards so shockingly low?

Tell both of them to fuck off and get a divorce.

Ionlydomassiveones · 15/11/2021 00:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Chloemol · 15/11/2021 01:00

I would block her, tell your parents to block her, tell dh you don’t want to know or hear anything about her. If anything needs doing it’s up to dh. I certainly would not be visiting and would make it clear to dh she is not welcome in your house

Although why you have let it continue for 21 years is beyond me

SeasonFinale · 15/11/2021 01:12

To be fair she does have a point about the vaccine though ...

NowEvenBetter · 15/11/2021 17:51

Does your feeble husband not repulse you? Don’t understand why in over two decades you haven’t told either of these people go go fuck themselves.

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