Disappointed with sister

[Kermitthefroglet]

Let her in on some close personal info recently, we have had a rocky relationship and she has been difficult to me over the years. I haven’t always been that nice back in response in fairness

I told her I was at my lowest ebb and asked for advice / support. She gave some but I needed a chat last night (having not spoken to her for a week... we live very nearby and her dp is away / no kids). She refused me and I got very upset, said I really needed some company as have seen no-one for a few days, was deep inside my head. I told her how upset I was that I couldn’t depend on her and said that for me this was a point I couldn’t imagine returning from. Since then she has refused to speak to me.

Sorry unfinished post. Am I expecting too much? I am so disappointed and hurt.

I think it’s unfair of you to expect her to be your emotional crutch. She might have stuff going on that you don’t know about and doesn’t have the mental capacity to take on your problems too.

Im sorry you’re struggling. It’s ok to need and ask for support

No has to be an acceptable answer though!

People don’t always have it to give st the time when you need it. I know it hurts because I’ve experienced it many times.
No matter how much someone might want to support you they don’t always have it when you need it

Emotionally blackmailing her for that wasn’t very kind.
Life is long and hard

Are you really going to write her off for this?

If not why threaten it?

You're being unfair, she's not your emotional support human who has to drop everything and be there for you immediately on your say so. You admit that your relationship hadn't always been great and you haven't always treated her well so maybe she needs a bit of space right now for her own mental health.

With the greatest of respect, it might not be all about you.

Not sure I'd go straight to being unfair, but looking at the background you paint is her reaction really that great a surprise to you? Were you really expecting a lot more considering you've never really had the best relationship? I think what you should take from this is she perhaps isn't someone you can rely on when you're in a bad place emotionally, so maybe look at developing and widening your outside support networks. Even the Samaritans if necessary or a local church group where you can pop in to speak to someone. Perhaps ask for a referral for counseling.

I can understand why you are disappointed in your sister. Unfortunately it appears that she just doesn’t want to have that kind of relationship with you. I think PP are right, that you are going to have to look to other sources for emotional support. I can understand it’s really disappointing and upsetting that you feel you can’t rely on your sister but you can’t force her unfortunately

You need to apologize for your emotional blackmailing, it’s not very kind. Sorry you’re struggling.

Seeing it from the other side, I'm the sister who never says no and will take on my sisters' problems and stresses. It is draining and it does impact on me. If I ever had the courage to say "no, sorry. I dont have the bandwidth tonight to deal with this" i think it would be extreamely unfair of them to then threaten to cut me off. I havent ever done this, and I wish I had the courage to do it rather than constantly taking on the emotional burden.

Maybe consider that your sister just couldnt shoulder your upset/stress/sadness on that one night and needed to stand up for herself. You threatening her wasnt kind and I hope you can consider it from her perspective. It may have taken a whole lot for her to say "no" to you.

I’m sorry op. I’m sorry you’re in a bad way but you need to find other support networks, you cannot demand more from people than they are able to give then get upset with them,

Also you can’t threaten like that when you don’t get your way. Apologise, and then call your doctor tomorrow.

She may have had her own stuff going on. You can't demand someone be on call and threaten to permanently reframe everything if they're unable or unwilling. We just can't make demands like that.

I think you need other sources of support and things would be better with her if you had that. She might need to see you in an independent place before wanting to get involved again.