Have my friends ditched me

[Odd1outagain]

We are a group of 4 friends (including me) we met at work which is physically and mentally demanding.
We’ve been friends for about 13 years, a lot has gone on, we’ve never really fallen out or had disagreements, if one had problem with someone else, it was raised and dealt with then we moved on I left the work place 2 years ago and no plans to return, not a better job as such but out of what I considered a toxic environment, and I needed for my mental health.
We try to meet up regularly, but I’ve been noticing that I’ve not been invited to the meet ups.
When I brought it up I was told that it wasn’t the case and that I am always welcome. However I have since been told that 2 of the friends had plans to meet next week which they let slip in front of me. I texted one of the girls to ask if I can tag along, and she said that she would check it was ok with I’ve not heard back yet.
I have ADHD and anxiety so sometimes it’s hard to read the situation, but the more I meet up with them the more I feel upset and down the days following the meeting.
Am I an Asshole, But just don’t realise it?

Lots of people don't stay friends with ex colleagues. Lots of people lie about that. I'm sorry, it does hurt.

You don't sound like an arsehole!

I wouldn't say your an arsehole at all. I'd say that the friendship sounds like it's drifted apart espically if they still work together but you don't.
Sorry OP make some plans with your other friends. X

I think it’s fine for two people in a group to meet up without inviting the other two, it’s natural for people to enjoy 1:1 get together a with people they feel closer to. I probably would g have asked to tag along but can understand why it feels a bit hurtful.
Sounds more like out of sight out of mind now that you have left work which is sad but also quite common

What contributes to you feeling down after meeting with them? That’s not how being with friends should make you feel at all

**wouldn’t have asked that should have daid

Thank you for the replies, the problem is I don’t really have any other friends. I have always found making friends hard, never had a best friend.
I’m upset when I find out that I’ve only been invited to 1 out of 10 of their social gatherings.
I can accept drifting apart and not seeing them again, but I don’t want to be led on and given mixed messages.
What do I do?

Do they all still work together? If they do then that’s why this is happening. I think you’ll be better off building a 1 to 1 relationship with each of them based on mutual interests. What have you got in common with each of them apart from you used to work together? What binds you together? I see an old colleague regularly because we use the same gym. There has to be more for it to be a lasting friendship

Just reframe the friendship. View them as previous work colleagues who you once in a while catch up with. If this doesn’t feel good though then just distance yourself and decline the next invite.

What you do now is try to make other friends. Join things at your new workplace. Join a sports team. Join Meet-up and start going to hobby groups in your area. Do an evening class. Time to put yourself out there

Good advice from @SnarkyBag
I would concentrate on developing new friendships. Friendships with former colleagues usually don't last as people have fewer shared experiences on the day-to-day. Doesn't mean you're an arsehole in any way!

Do you iniate meet ups at all?

Thank you that’s all great advice, I will look into an evening class there’s things that I have wanted to study for fun.
I think I need to work on my self esteem and self worth. Maybe I’ve been looking for validation int the wrong places.
What do I do with the group chat? Do I leave or mute it, or will that look passive aggressive (sorry for so many questions my brain acts in a rash way then my anxiety kicks in and I over think my decisions)

@MichelleScarn, yes that’s how I get to see them the one in ten times.

Otherwise I wouldn’t know that they meet up, then they tell me about the time the saw so and so, or I can’t remember if I told you or not but this thing happened, I told …… last week.

I wouldn't leave i would mute it and just look at it now and then. No reason why you can't still be friends, just not as good friends as what you once were that's all.

You don’t have to leave the group, but as someone above suggested, treat them as ex colleagues you meet up with once in a while rather than as best buddies. There’s no reason why you can’t enjoy the occasional meeting - they work together so will inevitably be closer, but you can still catch up occasionally. When you start developing your interests and friendship groups you will be able to get a clearer perspective - you’re not the centre of their world so don’t make them the centre of yours.

I think in the real world circumstances and convenience are the biggest factors for whether friendships work out. You've not done anything wrong but no longer working with these people is going to change the dynamic here. Sometimes plans can be quite ad hoc and it's awkward trying to fit them around someone who is more distant from the group.

You don't have to give up on them but accept things have changed and see if changing it up like arranging one on one stuff works better.