I’m a people pleaser and I’m losing myself

[Whoevenami16]

Been with my dp 7 years.
I llove him very much
We live together. No dc. I was married before for 20 years jealous ea man. Had look therapy and doing ok. I suffer with anxiety but generally am doing better.
I have this thing though that I put everyone’s needs above my own. I worry that I let everyone control me. I start to stand up for myself then back track in case they fall out with me or leave me.
Eg
I would like me and dp to buy our own place. We can afford it, currently I live in his house, I would like us to choose a place together. He doesn’t want to yet. Not this year but never say never. So I start by saying this is something that is important to me. He disagrees. So I drop it in case he says if you don’t like it leave.
He is nothing like my xh. He’s kind caring and loving but I still feel like he is in control of my future.

I do it with Everyone. Their needs become more important than mine. I’m super sensitive and after my last marriage I avoid any drama
Any advice

Do you own a property?

Buying a house together aside, are there any smaller scale instances with your DP where he's made it clear to you that it's his way or the highway?

Are your earnings similar OP?

How are your outgoings split?

Did your therapy address putting others' needs ahead of yours? This is something I have been working on for the last couple of years as I too realised I was a people pleaser and have really been working on myself to overcome this. I haven't had therapy but I have found some online therapists recommended on here that are amazing and have really helped me see things for what they are.

On Youtube look up Dr Ramani and Lisa Romano. They are bloody brilliant, I have learned so much from them. How old are you OP? I started going through menopause which I'm sure has contributed to my 'no more bullshit' attitude as well!

If you want to buy a house, buy it on your own. Change your thoughts about it from something you need him to do with you to something you want to do and take steps to make that happen.

Do you have a deposit and are ready to buy? If not, start a budget and savings plan, it will make you feel in control of your own life and if he's ready when you are great but you aren't waiting around for him.

I was a bit like this, but realised I didn't need my DP to be the catalyst, I needed to plan things myself and if it worked out then great but I'm in control of my life.

Reformed Pp er here.
You're afraid to rock a boat that doesnt work for you. Tell him you're buying a house. Offer him the opportunity to get in now, not to lose you.

He wont believe you though as its out of character

Ps saying what you would like isnt drama.

I am 52
We both have own properties that we rent out.
Yes I have enough savings for a deposit.
I could buy in my own but would like to buy together and continue to live together in our home. Not his home. I feel like a visitor.

Thanks I will look at the you tube therapists