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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So down

5 replies

megan1922 · 13/11/2021 23:33

Hi I know it's late but I am sleeping down stairs with the dog tonight . I don't feel welcome up to sleep in my own bed .

My fiancé of 10 years has bipolar and it's only recently we found out . So before this when he treated me terribly I thought it was always my fault . I would say sorry constantly because I thought I was always horrible . He really knocked my confidence and I would say wore me down so much that I was petrified of him ever leaving me which he knew so would leave me at least once a week .

And for some stupid reason I love him and want to help him be better . He had an awful childhood and his whole family have gone no contact with him so I am all he has .

I have been on medication for anxiety for a few months and in that time my attitude has changed a bit . And I think he hates it so goes one step further to try to hurt me . Instead of crying begging him to stay I just say go on then or when he ignores me for days I'm not apologising for something I think
I have done.

I have an extremely demanding job and lately it's gotten worse . I work a good 15 hour days . And the last 3 weeks have got too much for me . I have ocd so my house and car is immaculate. But in these 3 weeks I havnt cared and not cleaned once and I admit it was pretty bad . I just felt so down and anxious that I literally wanted to just sleep . I am back to my normal self now after being on Valium for a week or two and the house is back perfect .

Last night he comes home from work and decided to just come
Out with that I can't deal with the dog and I have been absolutely shit since having him and everyone is saying the same . My mother had been up the house before I got home slagging me off to him and so had my daughter . I admit I did struggle with the dog the 1st few weeks but I absolutely adore him now . I'm the only
One who does everything for him and he's obsessed with me 😊. My mother walks him when I'm In work and has been cleaning the house but I have been paying her weekly . My partner hates the dog because I spend all my time with him . He's come home today and not spoken to me at all . Flipped out and stormed off to bed because the dog started barking for his ball . I know I need to end this

OP posts:
Maze76 · 13/11/2021 23:47

Yes, you DO need to end this, your partner should’ve someone who lives and cherishes you, not cause you distress and anxiety. Find a way out, so you can begin to live a happy fulfilling life.

RaisedByPangolins · 14/11/2021 00:26

Women are not men’s rehab centres. It’s not on you to stay and try to fix a man who treats you terribly no matter what the cause of it may be. It’s sad that he has these MH issues but he’s making your life a misery and bringing you down with him. I imagine your anxiety will improve dramatically once you’re not being verbally abused in your own home and abandoned on a weekly basis Flowers

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/11/2021 00:31

Oh fgs end it. Stop self harming by staying with this man. He’s absolutely fucking awful. And he won’t change.

nimbuscloud · 14/11/2021 00:32

You only get one life
Stop wasting it

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/11/2021 00:33

And love is not a reason to stay. Think of the millions of women ruining and wasting their lives with abusive people because they ‘love’ them.

Love is not enough in the face of cruelty, it is not enough to counterbalance misery.

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