To leave someone you love

[Whattodocantgoon]

I love my dh, however he has BPD and refuses treatment and spends his life destroying who I am. I feel awful for leaving someone who is ill but I can't keep walking on eggshells and having to build him up whilst destroying myself.

Don't feel bad. You cant give more than you have in you and it sounds like you're currently running in empty.
It isnt fair for him to expect you to stick around and suffer his mental health being so bad while not accepting treatment and trying to help himself, and I say that as someone who is severely mentally ill (I have psychosis)

@HerRoyalWitchyness

Don't feel bad. You cant give more than you have in you and it sounds like you're currently running in empty. It isnt fair for him to expect you to stick around and suffer his mental health being so bad while not accepting treatment and trying to help himself, and I say that as someone who is severely mentally ill (I have psychosis)

Thank you for sharing, so you think it is reasonable for asking him to participate in the support offered?

Of course it's reasonable to expect him to accept support. It's unreasonable of him not to.

@Whattodocantgoon
Dont feel bad for putting yourself first, he knows he has mh issues but declines help but wants you stick around while he pulls you down, tell him he either gets help or your walking away as you can't live a life walking on egg shells. Your not being unreasonable for protecting yourself 💐

I urge you to check out the "BPD Loved Ones" forum on Reddit if you haven't already. Also to read the book "Stop Caretaking the Borderline / Narcissist". Both utterly eye-opening reads that were helping in enabling me to leave a BPD partner who I loved very much, but who was abusing me both emotionally and, eventually, physically.

@warmleatherette

I urge you to check out the "BPD Loved Ones" forum on Reddit if you haven't already. Also to read the book "Stop Caretaking the Borderline / Narcissist". Both utterly eye-opening reads that were helping in enabling me to leave a BPD partner who I loved very much, but who was abusing me both emotionally and, eventually, physically.

Thank you. I wish I didn't love him, how did you find the strength. I will order the book,it has taken me along time to realise how he is destroying me. He doesn't even realise.

Don't feel bad I left my previous partner with the same disorder. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves and it's soul destroying, just going around and around in circles with them, it's never anything they do it's always someone else's fault. X

Just because you love someone it doesn't mean it's good or healthy for you to be involved with them. You have to be kind to yourself and sometimes all you can do is say goodbye to someone who is making your life miserable. You can still remember the good parts of the times you had together but always remember the bad parts as well so that you don't go back.

He might try and be helped if he knows you are leaving. It might be the push he needs to get help. Sending love

Thanks, I don't think he believes I will follow through, I would have to leave and then if I did I just couldn't come back.