Grief that seems set to stay

[shiningcuckoo]

My mum died three years ago and my dad ten years ago. They weren't young young, but not particularly old either. I still think about them everyday, usually with great sadness and regret. Sometimes just saying the word mum will result in sudden tears. Other days, they are on my mind all day long. IS this usual for someone who has lost parents? I have no siblings so feel pretty isolated emotionally. There is no family to support me.

I'm sorry for your losses, OP.

I wouldn't say it's usual, no, although you aren't going to stop thinking about them, obviously.

For reference, my parents died 2 years ago, and 9 months ago.

Hi OP. I'm sorry for your loss. I can't tell you what is normal, only my experience of similar. My dad died just over a year ago, and for me I'm now at the stage where I can remember him with good memories, sadness that he's not here to share in good times any more, but not desperate grief. I hope you too can get to a place where thinking of your parents doesn't cause you distress. Sending you much love.

I'm also an only child.

I don’t find it unusual at all but I tend to dwell on things and hold on to pain longer than most people that I know. My DM died 16 years ago and I still get a sad feeling or get teary sometimes. It’s not as often as it used to be tho. I guess time will lessen those feelings for you

My dad died in June and I howl every single day. My friend said it took her 5 years before she could even mention her mum without crying.

My sister OTOH has barely mentioned dad since he died. We all grieve differently I suppose.

I don't know what's usual with grief because it depends so much on the circumstances but I would say you deserve to feel better than you do.

I have had a number of significant losses and they all impact differently. With my dad I was totally shocked, with my mum I felt as though my chest was being crushed and the pain was intense for a good 18months, with my sister I felt such a mix of sorrow and relief (she was so sick). I sought grief counselling after my sister's death because it messed with my head.

I think it is significant that you received an only child because sharing loss can be hugely comforting.

Would you consider grief counselling?

Lost Dad suddenly 45 years ago. Lost Mum 14 years ago after she suffered a degenerative disease so bravely for 22 years. Lost only sibling 5 years ago 3 months after cancer diagnosis. Think of them often, cry most days but lots of smiles and laughter at wonderful memories too. Life has changed beyond reason but it's still good and I am blessed in many ways. I think of the memories as love and I was lucky to love and be loved so much