Married daters

[justgettingonwith]

I'm a member on an online dating site and the number of men who have on their profile stuff about being married, not looking to change that, but the spark's gone out/no longer physical ...

Not that I would but I just want to message them and say 'if you're not looking to change being married, WTH are you taking the risk of not being married by having an affair?!' How can so many men be so stupidly illogical?!

Some people will do anything it takes for a physical connection that they're not getting at home. Maybe they're not fully weighing up the risks and the benefits, maybe not realistically looking at what getting caught would entail.

Yes and it's such a common occurrence to be spotted by a mutual friend or acquaintance - then the big dilemma; should you tell the wife?

I remember years ago a woman coming to view my apartment and pouring out her story to me. Her friends met her for dinner then took out printed sheets of his profile and handed it to her. She had no idea and was utterly devastated. She set up a fair profile but he didn't engage too long, the poor thing seemed even more rejected by that, she didn't even know how to flirt with him. I pointed out to her it was probably the lack of a photograph that didn't intrigue him. Anyway kudos to her, she confronted him and left. I heard he tried everything to win her back, turned up outside her work day after day she literally never spoke to him again. It's such a betrayal and to do it so openly with such a high risk of humiliation for your partner. It's not as if they have their heads turned by a particular person, they're asking for anyone to entertain them. I would never forgive it.

I’m not married, and took a look at one of the ‘hook up’ sites a few years back looking for FWB type situation, the number of women on there who claimed to be ‘ unhappily married’ and looking for fun was astonishing

FWB? That is just ridiculous and harmful to married people. Either speak up and leave and do the decent thing or keep working on your marriage. This is just wrong on many levels

I saw my closes male friend on OLD. It was a shock but shouldn’t have been as he cheated in his first wife. I blasted him about it and his excuse was he was only looking as he was lonely. I’ve had some interesting convos with a married guy (not for dating (and never met him) but to understand why he does it). It’s because he can get away with it. He doesn’t think his wife has any inkling, doesn’t seem bothered that he could get spotted (even though his pic is quite obscured). Admitted to threesomes. Really sad.

The amount of married men I came across during OLD was staggering. Most didn’t list their married status on their profiles and it was only after messaging that you spotted the clues, messaging at odd times, excuses as to why they couldn’t FaceTime or meet in person. I used to ask outright.

The silly lies, we’ve grown apart was the most frequent excuse, we don’t sleep together. We’re only together for the children. I get their wives didn’t know any of this. I used to block but it rocked my faith in men.

They like to think they can have both. They want their comfy life and their little ‘hobby’. No good treatment of any women they meet and it’s only really an excuse of a man that behaves this way.
I wonder do they not have enough going on in life to have time for this too?!

It’s horrible, the only ‘good’ thing about that situation is that they are upfront about being married. I’ve been in contact with supposedly single people and then it turns out they are married (when they aren’t keen on going out in public or telling you where they live usually). Total scum.