Taking a step back from friendship

[Kermitthefroglet]

Thinking of taking a step back from a friendship.

Friend is nice, we historically have got on well and used to be close. However I am starting to find some comments grating.

Friend is attractive, I am less so. She will make comments about a celebrity on tv, “she’s not even that fit/she thinks she’s it”. She described an ex’s new gf as a “downgrade brunette” - left me thinking shit what must you think of me. Got treated badly by a guy and so did her other friend, she mentioned how angry she felt for other friend as she was “so fit” (again what does she think of me)... Lots of things are about looks even though in other ways she is not vain at all. I don’t want to hear the comments anymore, to me they just make me feel that she equates good looks with other values and they’re really wearing on my self esteem.

Sorry i meant to say, am I being too sensitive or would most people feel slighted at these comments?

I wouldn't feel slighted at all - I would be bored stiff by her.

Why can't you just call her on it? Is probably ask her why she thinks being 'fit' makes her think a woman won't be cheated on? And tell her that that makes it sound like a man cheating is somehow a womans fault. That might give her pause for thought.

Provided she isn't taking digs at you ect and has been a good friend up until now, I would assume that she was struggling with self confidence issues as a result of the shitty ex. Might a conversation about this with her help her to value herself more for more than her looks? And therefore, stop reducing people to their looks.

If she was once q good friend then I'd give that q try first. Just one try. And if she still seems to continue on being shallow then, drop her.

She sounds very shallow. I'd suggest moving on for sure.

I don't know why you feel slighted unless there's more to the story. It is you not her that has decided you are not as attractive as her. Has she said anything of the sort?

The comments to me sound boring, shallow, vain, insecure. But not friendship ending if she's good in other ways.

I would back away. She sounds terribly superficial and judgemental.

@Pascal80

I wouldn't feel slighted at all - I would be bored stiff by her.

This.

Sorry this should say that I got treated badly by a guy and so did her other friend. But she mentioned a few times how angry she was because other friend was “so fit”. So I did feel like there was a comparison being made if you see what I mean? She didn’t feel angry for me!

I think I’d ask her and mention how it makes you feel; it might make her reflect on how she talks and thinks and if it doesn’t then you have your answer

There's a chance you could be over thinking this a bit. Her comments may not be as pointed as they seem. She may not even think about what she's saying and how it may come over.

@Kermitthefroglet

Sorry this should say that I got treated badly by a guy and so did her other friend. But she mentioned a few times how angry she was because other friend was “so fit”. So I did feel like there was a comparison being made if you see what I mean? She didn’t feel angry for me!

Ah yeah that changes things. And if your instincts are telling you that was a slight at you then it was a slight at you. A lot of narcissistic sorts do this sort of thing in order to encourage you to feel 'not enough'. They kick you when you are down.

She sounds very shallow. Perhaps that's why she was treated badly by some bloke. He perhaps got sick of her droning on about a person's looks all the time. She possibly hasn't got much of a personality.

Personally, I wouldn't be mates with someone like her. My friends, thankfully, accept me and others, faults and all.

Sorry, just realised that it was YOU who was treated badly by a man, not her. Apologies.

I had a friend like this. She would make sideways comments like this all the time and I realized she had an issue with me and she would do this to make herself feel better. Might not be the case with your friend but it’s something to be aware of