Age Gap

[newmoonrising]

Hi All,

Hope everyone is well. I’ve met someone recently and we both get on really well. They seem lovely and we have grown quite close. I’m wondering what people’s view on age gaps are. I’m 35 and they are 25 - 26 in July.

I’m just worried my judgement is off as I split from my marriage a year ago.

Thank You

It's impossible to tell. It depends on the individual. Some 25 year olds are really 18 in maturity, and some are much more mature than their age. The important thing is how you feel about it.

depends on where you're both at in life.
does either person want children / when?

are u in the same place career/ambitions/family wise. both same sort of lifestyle or does one still want to spend a lot of time out clubbing for example and the other is totally past that..

Thank you. I’m really not sure. I know he has friends he goes out with at weekends. It doesn’t bother me at all as I have a group of friends too. We also have some mutual friends. I have children he doesnt.

My rule of thumb has always been half your age plus 7 - so at 35 that's 17.5 + 7 = 24.5, so you're okay on that side.

I'd be more concerned about having (presumably) young DC and him not understanding the restrictions of family life. I certainly wouldn't introduce them for AT LEAST a year. I would realistically look at this as a bit of fun, unlikely to end up as an ltr.

I could be wrong! I was 27 when I got with my H who was 42. I was childless, he was a single dad. I took to parenting 5yo DS like a duck to water. Our marriage lasted 5 years.
But I don't think our story is common, and especially not in the case of younger men with "older" women.

Thank you. I have the children 50% of the time. They are 7 and 8 so have some independence. I’d not plan on any sort of introductions for a long long time if ever.

DP is 47 I’m 56. Works for us.

Was your DP 24 when you started this relationship? So he would have been 16/17 when your eldest was born?

I guess a lot depends on what you both want out of this relationship. I am assuming you don't yet live together? Has he met the DC yet?

If you are happy for him to continue along that path until he is ready for more commitment (moving in and/or more DC) it think it could work.

I don't think it would work though if you are looking at a short timescale for progression.

Are you having conversations about what you both want? Why not enjoy it for now and see what happens.

The gap of 10 years wasn’t a problem for us until he got into his 50’s.
Problems in the bedroom he wouldn’t seek help for, MH problems, using his age not to do DIY and sit around all day.
I wouldn’t have such a big gap again, but you can’t help who you fall for.

Do you write press releases for a living?

If be very wary. My brother dated someone with that exact gap. Around her 40th birthday he split up with her...found someone his own age and said some unkind things to me (I'm her age!!) About feeling tethered.

She missed her chance to have kids but that doesn't apply to you.

He was besotted with her initially. As her age began to show a little more (she is v attractive) he began to feel self conscious.

So I would be wary there is a time limit...and take it slow.

Things to consider: how long has he had his job, his friends, how does he speak about 40+ women, are his friends mainly older than him too? Does he has nieces or nephews he sees regularly?

@newmoonrising

Hi All,

Hope everyone is well. I’ve met someone recently and we both get on really well. They seem lovely and we have grown quite close. I’m wondering what people’s view on age gaps are. I’m 35 and they are 25 - 26 in July.

I’m just worried my judgement is off as I split from my marriage a year ago.

Thank You

Hello. It worked for me. I met DH when he was 22 and I was 35 (both single, never married and no kids). Been together for 21 years, married for 17.

He is special, though. Sometimes the age gap shows - of-course it does as we are different generations. The age gap shows as we have got older. He is still young, fit and beautiful and I am a post-menopausal fat crank, so there's that lol.

To be serious, I have also had boyfriends 20 years older than me before I married, so I was a grandad goggler as well.

@Pascal80 thank you! That made me chuckle.

Honestly cant decide so just going to see what evolves.

[quote newmoonrising]@Pascal80 thank you! That made me chuckle.

Honestly cant decide so just going to see what evolves.[/quote]
Good luck

I was 25 when I started seeing my DH who is 37. Works for us.

@NoKandoo

Do you write press releases for a living?

That's the job of us PRs, not journos on the lookout for content!

Not that OP sounds like one to be honest.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I'm a journo, and every single PR person starts their emails to me with "Hi - hope you are well". This is what made me wonder (OP: "Hi All, hope everyone is well")... It drives me scatty!

Thats the same age I was when i met my older partner. We have been together 30 years.

[quote NoKandoo]@youvegottenminuteslynn

I'm a journo, and every single PR person starts their emails to me with "Hi - hope you are well". This is what made me wonder (OP: "Hi All, hope everyone is well")... It drives me scatty![/quote]
Haha that is very true. When I worked in agencies I banned my team from saying that - get to the point, professional and polite but not fluffy. See also a weird phase of PRs (not me or mine!) writing 'hope the sun is shining where you are!'

On behalf of the profession, I apologise. It makes some of us cringe as much as you, I promise!

😂 @youvegottenminuteslynn

I sometimes used to be tempted to reply with a list of all the ways in which I was not well at all (though never did, obviously, as it must be a bit rubbish to have to email journos all the time in the hope that someone might bite - I'm not sure I'd feel at my most creative either!)

I am 50.
Dh is 40.
Beem together 9 years..
Ex was 15 years old but very old in his ways.
Which I am definitely not!!
All about the person not the number ime.

@Pumpkinsonparade I hope that's a typo as that number is quite important..

Oops 15 years oldER!