Do I reach out and apologise?

[nc167826]

I've broken up with my partner after 8 months of dating. We've split up a couple of weeks ago, reconciled and then I've since told him I think we should split up again.

Long story as to why we broke up but basically complicated relationship with his ex wife and kids and him thinking he is messing me about as we have to change plans etc due to ex being awkward.

We both love each other and deeply care for one another but I've asked him to be firm with his ex and he said he can't as it's his kids. He's acknowledged it's not fair on me .

Anyway throughout the relationship and break up we've never once argued but on Thursday morning we did and it was ended with me saying I basically hate him and not to contact me again.

It was an awful thing for me to say and I don't mean it.

I have left it a couple of days as I want him to miss me and realise what he is losing but I'm desperate to reach out and apologise for saying what I did as I know it will have hurt him a lot.

What would you do?

Well, you could apologise for what you said in order to leave it on a better note - but I think you'd be foolish to try to get back together.

The issues you have aren't going anywhere and it'd be better for both of you to call it a day for good than keep getting back together, rediscovering the issue and splitting again.

Unless he is taking action to stabilize the contact with his dc I wouldnt.

Cut your losses and move on. You’ve only known this man 8 months, he’s not your “partner”, find somebody else without a load of baggage you’re constantly arguing over. His ex isn’t suddenly going to become a different person and not is he.

Stop playing games. Send a text saying your sorry for your behaviour and wish him all the best.

@2catsandhappy

Stop playing games. Send a text saying your sorry for your behaviour and wish him all the best.

Yes, this, then move on.

You won't make him realise what he's missing by telling him you hate him. More likely to consolidate his decision. The only way you might get him back is to agree to him prioritising his children and convince him you don't mind and stick with that. Even then, tbh, it may not work as people often use the 'its not fair on you' line as an excuse to end it kindly because they want to. If you want to apologise a quick text will do it. But if you're thinking an apology would reopen the door to getting back together, id think very carefully whether its what you really want, on his terms, and also prepare to be disappointed.

I have left it a couple of days as I want him to miss me and realise what he is losing

This is a game. You're deliberately trying to manipulate his feelings.

This phrase 'reach out', what does it mean? If you need to apologise for what you said, do that, and do it in a way that doesn't pressure him to respond. Otherwise you're apologising with an agenda, which would be more game playing.

If you've got to the stage where you've told him you hate him, it's obviously not a healthy situation for you, whether you meant it or not, so don't try to get back together.

In your shoes, I'd write him a brief, well worded note to tell him you're sorry, what you're sorry for, and why. And then leave it at that. No more drama.

I'd leave him alone and keep the relationship ended.

This just smacks of manipulation and game playing and it's just not healthy.

You don’t want to be with him so why say anything at all?

Do you really love him? Really properly?

He’s told you where he’s at with his ex, you don’t like it, he’s made it clear it won’t change. So not sure what you’re expecting to happen. Listen to what he’s saying and hear him.

And you’ve split up twice in 8 months so it’s obviously not got legs.

Relationships don’t have to be this angsty and dramatic. If you find yourself telling someone you hate them you almost definitely don’t love them.