Snooping Advice

[LonelyL]

Hi everyone,

I know this isn't right but my BF has been acting very suspiciously recently. Not paying money into our accounts, nights away with friends, lots of new clothes where he was never bothered. Generally just not acting like himself.

He asked for a break a while ago and I basically said we're on or off, been together almost 10 years.

He's been very suspicious with his phone and shifty with messaging like going into another room and sleeping with it under him.

He's logged into his Ipad and iphone on I cloud with 2 factor authentication turned on, if I access his icloud on the tablet will he be notified on his phone?

Thanks everyone I'm going mad.

L

He's checked out of the relationship. Sorry

I do get that feeling, I need to prepare myself for the worst but it would be easier if I could confirm my suspicions.

Digging isn't going to help. It will send you mad.

He has already checked out, whether he has cheated or not.

My advice would be to leave, move on and keep your dignity in tact.

I think you know the answer here, so sorry. Digging isn't going to help. Move on as swiftly and cleanly as you can. You deserve better.

@Whatwouldnanado

I think you know the answer here, so sorry. Digging isn't going to help. Move on as swiftly and cleanly as you can. You deserve better.

Sorry but I agree.

If you don't trust him then there is no point in snooping. Even if you don't find anything you will still be distrustful. Agree you may as well end the relationship.

No confirmation required OP. He wants a break to sow his wild oats. Sorry.

Start working out who is moving out etc as it’s over. He will probably realise in due course that the grass isn’t greener but you’ll be over him by then.

Sorry I don’t know re iCloud stuff.

I don't know how someone can be so cold, just like the flick of a switch, I've done so much for him when he had no one else to standby him.

I've lost all of my close friends in recent years too, I would never thought I could feel so lonely in someone's company.

I've lost all of my close friends in recent years too

Why? What's going on in your life for you to lose ALL of your CLOSE friends?

You'll never make sense of it.

There could well be another woman, but the long and short of it he's gone stone cold on you.

Let him go.

Rally round some support - family, close friends. Don't snoop or look on SM.

HUG

Oh op this is rubbish.
I would leave and rebuild it's not easy but you will get there x

I hadn't been maintaining those friendships... It's a bit of an issue of mine feeling like I don't fit in. There was a lot of drinking in my childhood which has had its toll on me growing up... That's a whole other story unfortunately.

@LonelyL

I don't know how someone can be so cold, just like the flick of a switch, I've done so much for him when he had no one else to standby him.

I've lost all of my close friends in recent years too, I would never thought I could feel so lonely in someone's company.

They do it like this to enable them to do what they want to do without feeling guilty . They rewrite the story in their head and you will be written up as someone who is preventing his happiness.

@LonelyL

I hadn't been maintaining those friendships... It's a bit of an issue of mine feeling like I don't fit in. There was a lot of drinking in my childhood which has had its toll on me growing up... That's a whole other story unfortunately.

You need to ditch the boyfriend. Invest in counselling. Reconnect with your formerly close friends and seek out new friendships. Find interests that you enjoy and sustain you. Live on your own until you've sorted yourself out. Remember the woman + bicycle analogy (aka as you don't actually need a man...)

I take a different view to most pps. After 10 years I would absolutely want to know what is going on. So, you’ve 2 options…sit him down and ask him and see what he says…maybe he’ll fess up, maybe there is nothing going on and he will willingly show you his devices. The second option is to do some digging, then ask him. Personally that’s what I’d do…if you have the facts it’s far harder for him to lie/minimise and I believe forewarned is forearmed.
On a separate note I would recommend pursuing some counselling regarding your friendships etc. Good luck op, it’s a horrible situation to be in x

I’d want to know too. I couldn’t just cut loose from a 10 year relationship with no closure it would drive me mad.

Firstly I would try and talk to him if you can, that’s the best first step approach.
I don’t massively condone snooping but I’ve had a quick look on my iPhone and the 2 step authentication thing is if someone else tries to sign into your other apple device I.e iPad with their own Apple ID, it’ll notify me on my phone. If someone was to simply just open up my ipad using my own pin it doesn’t notify me.