My partner has very clear trust issues. I don't know why. We have always been incredibly open with each other, too open. Perhaps to our detriment as I'm not sure if this is where the trust issues stem from . We have spoken about exes at length, people we have slept with etc etc. I love a drink, he loves a drink. He always instigates our drinks btw. It is always at his suggestion, I am always a willing participant. However the conversation always leads to us oversharing and sometimes we will fall out over it. I also know he has suspicions over an ex cheating on him which could be cause for the trust issues.
He has a DC that he spends every second weekend with. I do not always go, his daughter lives a long way away and he has her at his parents house who live in the same city. So we tend to have one weekend or sometimes two weekends a month apart. I don't have any children.
Now I am a very social person. I always have been a social butterfly, often referred to as the 'life of the party'. Whilst I have completely tapered back my lifestyle a lot, I still am prone to the odd night out with friends over a few wines. I am finding it lately that my DP is more than happy for me to be this person when it is with him, however when he is not around I find he interrogates me about every detail, gets mad if I have a drink, finds some reason to cause a HUGE fight even if nothing bad happens. I realise this is quite controlling. I am so so aware of it and I never have dealt with something like this from previous partners. I try to reason with him and understand his rationale and support him through this. Sometimes I even find myself telling little white lies about my weekends without him to avoid an argument. Which always comes out upon the interrogation and I am then called a liar. Honestly I find the whole situation hard to navigate.
Now to my 'Am I in the wrong?' (sorry I wanted to give the full picture). I went for dinner a few weeks ago with my friend. He knows this friend loves a wine and I'm sure before I went out he was in a foul stinking mood about it assuming what would happen (we spoke on the phone and I repeatedly asked if he was okay?). We had a lovely meal and shared a bottle of wine. We then went onto a bar after (all the while I am texting him constantly 'I love you's' 'I miss you's' trying to make him feel included to diffuse any argument). He told me he was going to sleep. We said good night. The bar my friend and I are in closes and we move onto another bar for a night cap. We walk to the station together after that and I immediately realise I do not have my phone. My friend happens to have me on 'find my friends' and we can see my phone is at the first bar, which is now shut. My immediate reaction is 'DP is going to kill me'. I consider texting him to let him know from my friends phone, however thought twice as I know he already has an opinion of her, don't want him to be worried, don't want him to stress etc. He is asleep anyway.
So the next morning at 6am I woke up quite early and logged into instagram and message him to let him know what has happened. He has gone ballistic about it. Accuses me of getting completely smashed. He has been trying to contact me all night. Why would I not text him at he moment I realised? Why would I leave him having a sleepless night? He 'doesn't want to be with someone who goes out when he isn't there'. He basically has tried to end our relationship and said we will never work. Basically is appalled I am not sorry for making a choice at 11pm that night not to text him about my phone (when he is meant to be sleeping and we would not have text anyway!!!!). I've asked him if he expects me to sit in on my own these weekends he is away. I very very rarely go out and have drinks anymore. Most of my friends have children and we would do something more child friendly.
Meanwhile, I get my phone back all good first thing the next morning. I knew exactly where it was. But I have been reminded of this incident CONSTANTLY since that weekend. And 'how drunk I got'. And 'I'm out of control'. The bloke would have no idea what I drank but it doesn't matter to him.
Am I honestly doing something wrong here? I really think it would be a different story if DP didn't like a drink himself but he only thinks it's okay for me to do it when he is around?! He says he 'can't get over his issues' and 'doesn't want to be with someone who goes out'. I hardly go out clubbing I'm mid bloody 30's!!!! I already feel like a shell of myself to keep this bloke happy and I hate that!