Help me identify the non toxic men/most suitable men from these?

[DatingWhatD]

Online dating. I’ve been in horrible relationships in the past but I’ve had a lot of therapy. My general issue is that anyone too nice or too available makes me feel uneasy. I’m trying my best to stop this. I want a settled relationship with a future.

So here I am, trying to work on want I’ve learnt. Not met any yet. I know there’s not much to go off but I really want to be carful about who I start to engage with more as I really really don’t want to get involved with someone where the red flag/unsuitability was there at the start.

1. Man is very nice, keeps in touch and was understanding that I had to cancel our first two meet ups as I was unwell. No hounding of messages but just pleasant asking if I was ok. Has a good job and lives an hour away, seems close to family. Not sure I am attracted to him and he’s a bit smaller which would usually put me off.

1. Second one has lots of banter and really enjoy the chats but he recently said his last two partners were 25 and he’s 44. Should I be concerned? I don’t know. He has a good job and seems stable from that perspective, not mentioned family much.

1. Nice chap who I clicked with massively, was very chatty but talking about travelling a lot and wanting to move abroad. I don’t want to do much more travelling or moving abroad but I do like him.

1. Man who responds quickly and is very interested to meet, offered to drive over to me (around an hour away). Stable job, seems close to family. Vaguely attracted to the photos but not hugely.

1. Man who messages a lot and very polite but hasn’t yet had time to arrange a date. I suggested one a few weeks back and he gave a vague counter suggestion as he couldn’t make the day I had said. He’s apparently very keen to settle down (his own words) so I was attracted to that, but then find it strange he’s not made the effort to meet in four weeks (we are half an hour apart).

Any help would be great.

@PlausibleSuit 2 -- Bantersaurus Rex 😂😂😂

Hahahaha I LOOOOOOVE bantersaurus rex! 😂

Tbh you don't seem into any of them particularly. The nicest thing you're saying is "stable job"... faint praise, really.

1: obviously a decent guy on paper but if you're not attracted to him, you're not attracted to him. Maybe worth meeting to see if that changes irl but just because he ticks all the boxes doesn't mean he's right for you.

2: I can't be doing with bantz boys

3: I would keep in touch with this one. You click massively and it's beneficial to have people like that in your life. Obviously I wouldn't expect anything long-term and I would be upfront about that BUT a couple of possibilities are a) he might know someone in his social circle you might be more compatible with (and if you click with him, you're likely to click with his friends...), or b) a hot fling before he goes abroad. Or c) you just gain a nice platonic friend!

1. You have just described a cardboard cutout. You're obviously not even slightly bothered about him

1. "Keen to settle down" is a yellow flag for me (but I feel suffocated by the idea of moving fast). Not making the effort to meet up after saying that is a bit . Again you haven't said anything about his personality. "Keen to settle down" is not a personality

We can't tell anything much from that. And we don't even know what you're looking for yourself. Go on a coffee date with all of them (not at the same time, although, actually that may be a better idea). See how you feel after meeting them in person. More from ruling them out perspective than picking a standout. The first meeting should be sufficient to determine if there's a spark, or if they're nothing like their online persona.

No1 and no4.

None of them, keep looking. When you find him you'll know because you will be excited about meeting him.

Meet 4 for coffee and to start with bin all the ones you have been talking to for more than a week.
Do you have a chronic condition, apologies if you do, but I and most people would bin off someone who claimed twice it was due to illness - it's a red flag he's still trying with you ( but, he should be binned as you've talked to him too long already).
I get the impression overall that you are messaging too many, for too long. Messaging does actually form a connection, the longer you do it for the stronger the connection gets, which just sets you up for big disappointment if you finally meet and don't gel for whatever reason, then you are left with an unnecessary hole. You need to aim to meet sooner, which is why 4 is better option.

I have quite a filter and I'd only go for number 1, just to see if I could actually fancy him. Bin the rest.

TheTrinity gave a good suggestion @DatingWhatD , a video chat is a good way of vetting each other as you can see whether you find them attractive at all (so for instance you could probably tell if number 1 was a definite no without even having to leave the house.)