How should household labour be split?

[nearly2022]

We both work, DH 40 hours and me 30 hours. DC secondary so sort themselves out in the mornings.

Financially equal.

How should the housework be split between us? Should I do more because I work less hours, even though the financial income is the same?

DC do their share also of keeping things tidy.

Interested in views. At the moment I do more, all the dinners, although DC and DH will clean up after. All the food shopping although DC and DH will help to put away.

DH does most of washing and drying clothes but I'll help if needed. I'm the bathroom cleaner and person that will hoover upstairs, wipe kitchen sides down etc.

Writing that down it actually looks a fairly even split although it feels like I do more as I think I get the rubbish jobs.

You should both have the same amount of free time. So for example, if he does 40 hours paid work and 5 hours unpaid work at home and you do 30 hours paid work and 15 hours unpaid work at home that means you have the same amount of free time.

Maybe the two of you could make a list of which jobs are the "rubbish jobs" and then try to share those jobs out more equally? I actually think if you're contributing 50% financially then you should only have to do 50% of the housework, because it's not your fault that he works more hours, and you're not expecting him to pay more money. But either way, it definitely doesn't seem fair for you to have all the rubbish jobs just because you work less.

You should have the same amount of free time, so to me you'd be doing slightly more of day to day things.
The rubbish jobs should be shared between you both though.

Tbh I think in a marriage it’s a bit unfair to penalise someone for earning less per hour by making them do more housework. I out-earn my DP by a significant amount but I wouldn’t expect to be sitting around while he does jobs to make up for it. You should both share the crap jobs and have equal free time. If you are not happy with how things are you could get him to work fewer hours so you can hand over more of the housework.

Agree that the aim should be equal free time. At the moment though it sounds like you do all the cooking and major cleaning? With DH only really doing laundry since clean up after dinner is aided by the kids. So that doesn’t sound massively fair and I think he should be doing a bit more. Maybe he could take over the food shop and cook 50% of dinners?

IMO you should do more chores because you work fewer hours.

I would do 25% more if I was you as you work 25% less hours. Shouldn't be related to pay.
He sounds like a good 'un though.

I don’t think finances come into it - otherwise we’d have to agree that it’s fair for a SAHP to do everything in the house because they aren’t contributing any money, and the earner do nothing or very little.

It sounds like you have a good relationship? Agree with other posters that you should have equal free time. If you feel like you do most of the bigger jobs and it leaves you with less free time than he has, agree a different split of the bigger jobs.

Money is irrelevant. Do you mean if one person earned £100k for one day a week and their spouse earned £16k for 30 hours the higher earner shouldn’t do housework despite having loads of free time?

Of course you should do more, you have more non working hours.

What’s the problem with the status quo?

If you don’t like your jobs then switch things up. I’m happy doing most of the cooking but it would drive some people crazy.

I am appalled that anyone would think that earnings come into it! So somebody that works fifty hours a week in a care home would have to do the majority of the chores because their spouse also works fifty hours a week as a solicitor or something?

OP, you should pick up a few more chores because you work fewer hours.

Could you switch some of the jobs about OP so you both do some 'rubbish' jobs?

I probably do slightly more than DH but we each do the jobs we hate the least - for example I hate dragging the hoover around but he doesn't mind sticking a podcast on and pottering about with it. I don't mind doing the bathrooms and he does the bins, I do the laundry and he does washing up... Works out that nobody feels too resentful!
To be fair we've never really given much thought to who puts in more hours as everything/enough gets done and we both get enough free time.

Agree with a PP that I'd think you'd probably spend more time doing jobs but doesn't mean they should all be your most hated ones!

I am wondering about the 'person who does xyz etc.'
More often than not, women will also do all the planning and remembering and thinking and organizing. The 'etc' needed to keep a family and household running. Don't forget to take this into account when you talk about division of labour.

@Teeturtle

I am appalled that anyone would think that earnings come into it! So somebody that works fifty hours a week in a care home would have to do the majority of the chores because their spouse also works fifty hours a week as a solicitor or something?

OP, you should pick up a few more chores because you work fewer hours.

I just mentioned the pay factor in case anyone thought it was relevant.

Clearly relates to number of hours worked and we broadly have it sorted so a little tweaking and should be just right.

It’s not relevant.

The amount of free time you each have is and whether you don’t mind or actively resent the housework chores you each do.

Prob should be mildly more on you but that sounds more than that on you - send your husband to the odd food shop

@Bananabrush

Tbh I think in a marriage it’s a bit unfair to penalise someone for earning less per hour by making them do more housework. I out-earn my DP by a significant amount but I wouldn’t expect to be sitting around while he does jobs to make up for it. You should both share the crap jobs and have equal free time. If you are not happy with how things are you could get him to work fewer hours so you can hand over more of the housework.

But it's OK to penalise someone for working fewer hours? In this case, the OP works 30 hours, but I've had full time jobs of 35 hours so if I was with someone who worked unpaid overtime, I'd be penalised and have to do more homework. I think that's only OK if the couple are married and have joint finances and not really Ok for those just cohabiting because the partner who works fewer hours would never be compensated for their labour.

Give the DC more to do. They can split the hoovering between them.

Does DH do the entire laundry as in gathering what needs to be washed, wash, dry, fold, and put it all away?

Who makes the beds and strips the beds?

How many bathrooms are there to clean?