Hi there,
I’ve been with my partner for 3 years now, he has 2 children who we have 3 nights per week, and I have a very active role in their lives and do a lot of the ‘mum’ stuff for them both.
However, we’ve since had a baby of our own who is now 4 months old… for a while now I’ve noticed how selfish he can be and how much of a lazy father he is. I’ve kept my mouth shut as it’s been rather tough since the baby was born what with milk issues and I had to go back into hospital etc.
I’m at home all day looking after the baby, as well as all the house work, food shopping, cooking, washing, and when we have his children it’s me that sorts dinner for us all for when they all get home, school uniform, school and nursery snacks, clothes, lunches etc - you name it, on top of looking after our baby, getting him to bed, bottles etc.
In the time he has been born my partner has looked after him once, so I could go out… and even then he rang me asking how to work the bloody pushchair! You’d think he’d never had children before, when I met his children, his youngest was 14 months, so you’d think he’d know.
My partner works FT so unfortunately when he returns home the baby is in bed or just going to bed, and often when he leaves for work the baby is still asleep or just woken up, it’s me that gets up in the night, does all the nappy changes (I don’t remember the last time he changed his nappy it’s been that long) and I do everything else. We have his children for a full weekend every other weekend and twice in the week, so on the weekends we don’t have his children he still seems to think that’s his time to do what he wants, and instead of offering to have our son so he can spend time with him and give me a break, he just organises things for himself, so I basically feel like a single parent, and on top of that I’m organising and sorting stuff for 2 children that aren’t mine and a man that could do a bit more.
Currently, we live in the house he owns, and he pays all of the household bills, as I’m currently on maternity allowance pay, which isn’t great, but he was paying all of the house bills before me anyway. I’m paying all of my own bills out of that, stuff for the baby and paying into our joint account for food shopping, a lot of which goes on feeding him and his 2 kids as I barely have time to eat breakfast or lunch most days! I also pay for clothes for both his kids too!
So, I’ve had enough of running about after people, which takes me away from my own baby, and myself, and know if I was doing this alone, I’d be a lot happier I’ve come to realise - it’s all grinding me down.
I feel guilty if I don’t do things in the day because he’s at work all day and paying the bills which he sometimes moans about as he also has to pay the ex maintenance, so here I am pretty much proving for our son out of my own pocket, and his kids so it doesn’t financially burden him! Pretty much everything our son owns has been brought by me, and both kids wardrobes have been brought by me!
I’m in a situation where I don’t have a place to go, and no money due to being made redundant and now earning £151 per week… we do qualify for a small UC claim, which is less than £50 due to my partners earnings.
What I’m looking to learn is, would I be entitled to housing, and would that consist of being on a housing list for me and the baby, or could I find a private landlord who takes DSS… what benefits could I be entitled to until I get back into work and sort childcare?
I’d happily not take any child maintenance off him for our son if it meant our son didn’t have to hear him moan about money and paying me like he does to his other kids about paying his ex!
Help… 😞