Should I tell him?

[Mumof2222]

Hi

I wonder if I can ask some advice... We all have that first love and mine has popped up in random situations over the past 15years and our paths have crossed many times.

He doesn't know that when we were 18 I found out i was pregnant with his child. I didn't know what to do and rather than talk about it with him i shut down and just cried all the time got quite angry with him, we took a break and in this time I had a miscarriage and ended up cheating on him and told him and we ended up splitting up and was hated by him and friends.
I look back and realise I was on a very self destructive path.
We are both happily married now with new partners and have our own kids but have always questioned if he should know the truth or should the past stay in the past?!

Any advice?

I would leave it in the past, personally.
I don't see anything to gain by telling, but there is just a chance it might stir up emotions that could muddy the waters now.

I agree with CatonMat and would suggest leaving it in the past. What is there to be gained by telling him now? It might make you feel a bit better to know it's in the open but would likely stir up a whole host of emotions and then there are your respective partners to consider - how would your husband feel if you suddenly decide to have this conversation with an ex flame?

Don't rake up the past OP. There's nothing to be gained from it.
Get on with your life and forgive yourself.

I don't think anything can be gained from telling someone they lost a baby years ago, however if it's severely affecting you then I guess there is something to be gained for you. So not really an answer, sorry!

Huh? What would you - or anyone involved - gain out of it?

What are you hoping to gain? You're potentially giving him the gift of grieving for a child that never was.
If you have unresolved issues, go see a counselor.
If you feel you were shitty to him, apologise for being shitty. Don't make excuses, don't dump it on him.

Your right, i just have always questioned if he should know what happened.

Unless it affects your relationship, and as my mantra says, it's on a need to know basis.
Just enjoy the happiness you're blessed with OP 🙂