Could I ever get over this?

[TheBigBang9661]

I'll write this as short as I can and it is a sexual topic hopefully leave out any tmi. And thanks for any responses. Me and partner have been together about 8 years. A few years ago we was just having a joke saying silly things (non sexual jokes) and out of no where he taking the piss out of my sex noises not that I think I have unusual ones but he was mimicking them. I don't know why I even was offended he knew it got me down and has apologised numerous times. But since that day I have never felt comfortable around him during intimacy, I'm silent became I keep thinking back to those noises he made. I am very aware he was only joking but I can't get it out of my head. It makes me feel sick. I hate that I was being affected so much so we have split up other things contributed to it but I've told him that it was one of the reasons we split up i feel bad because he's said sorry so many times. I just can't forgive him. It's hard to keep away from him as we have a child together he's very pushy about wanting to get back together

What he said is unforgivable in my book. He humiliated and ridiculed you about your most intimate moments you share together. I don't see how anyone would get over that. What a fucking prick.

This is exactly how I felt and still feel, humiliated and stupid. He's told me many times it was a joke he didn't mean offence. That I should forget about it almost like I was the one being a diva and making a big deal of it

I don’t see how you could ever come back from this (with him) OP. A dreadful thing to do to someone. Really low.

I’m glad you’ve got rid of him and hope this doesn’t impact future sexual encounters. What a complete knob.

Yes I agree, intimacy with another person is about building trust and openness. By mocking your private moments he has broken the trust and made you feel like you can’t trust him.

I’m not sure I could ever feel completely comfortable relaxing during sex with someone that had picked up on something I did and humiliated me with it.

Him making fun of you doesn't make it funny. He doesn't get to decide how you should feel about it either. Mocking people is an unhealthy way of dealing with stress and insecurities but it is very, very low in the context of intimate relationship. There is no excuse.

DP and often have a joke about things we do and say during sex. He will act outraged if I reference some things he says or does, and there are one or two things that are “never to be spoken of” but still get hinted at - it makes us both laugh, albeit it’s very embarrassing!

So I don’t think on its own it’s unforgivable. To me it feels like you’ve taken one poorly judged joke and made it into a huge deal over the years, building it up into something much bigger than it originally was. For most couples I’d imagine a bit of good natured ribbing about sex noises or sex faces etc might result in a bit of an angry pout and a “hey, what goes on upstairs stays upstairs”. To have taken it to this extreme shows that you were very affected by it, which is possibly because he didn’t reassure you afterwards that he hadn’t meant to upset you.

I think that’s the bigger issue - he doesn’t seem to care that you’re humiliated by it. If he’d taken on board that you were upset by it and apologised instead of saying you’re overreacting do you think you’d feel any better about it?

"Just a joke" - why are they never actually funny to the recipient of them?

He destroyed your trust - no way to get it back after that. An apology doesn't undo the harm. Maybe next time he might realise that actions have consequences.

I understand why this was very hurtful and embarrassing but also I think if someone was genuinely remorseful I could potentially get over it.

What an absolute prat to lose you like this!

Totally depends on the context and your relationship overall. DP and I have made jokes about this kind of thing and we both laugh about it, but we have a loving and respectful relationship .if we didn’t, I’m sure neither of us would find it funny! It sounds to me like there was far more going on here. If your relationship was good, I t was a one off and he was genuinely remorseful, I’d let it go. If he is a bit of a Twat overall, it’s not worth your effort.

Thing is, why would you want to be with a partner who's sense of humour meant making this sort of joke? I think you have done the right thing in leaving.

I can well believe that other things contributed to you splitting up.