Should I be annoyed?

[TTlover]

Hi all.

Not sure why I’m posting, whether it’s more of a rant or to get some advice.

I have been primary teaching for 4 years. A month ago, I had a breakdown. The impact of COVID and the children being essentially two years behind both behaviourally and academically - and the school having exactly the same expectations of the children not taking COVID into account - and the 12 hour days, has led me to look for a teaching exit plan.

I said to my partner that I am interested in becoming a self employed dog groomer and working from home. My partner was very supportive at the time and he said about building a shed in the back of the garden (he is an electrician and is very good at building - he practically built our house).

I felt excited about this, so with some thought I got a loan (for the business and to build the shed that I can do my dog grooming from). I have also enrolled in a training course, not to mention offering to groom people’s dogs for free in my weekends and evenings to get my name out in the community.

This weekend, I am going to my dog grooming course. My partner is off all weekend.

I asked him about the possibility of him starting the shed. He said that he would not only build it if I come out and build it with him as it’s my business. He also told me two weeks ago to expect to be grooming every weekend as well as working in full time teaching to build the business.

I feel very down as he seems to have this “Me” and “you” mentality rather than the business being good for “us”.

He has lots of spare time. He is self employed too, leaves home at 8am and is home most days by 2pm or 3pm.

Maybe I’m being sensitive- and I would be happy to help him (if I had the time). I’m happy to help him when I am free, just not all the time as I will be busy with work, cleaning the house and grooming other dogs.

I feel very unsupported, as he has all of the skills, he just seemingly can’t be bothered to do it alone. What hurts is that he has nothing else planned for the Saturday, and will probably just play the PlayStation.

What do you all think? Do I have A right to feel put out - or are my expectations too high?

Thanks

He said he'd build it but wants you to help.

I see where you're coming from but it's your business put in some of the work and don't expect him to do things for you.

You have expectations as to what you think should happen I.e him building the shed.

He mentioned building a shed did he mention building it for you?

He said he'd help, I think you should expect to pitch in.

I suppose it depends on the other dynamics in the relationship.

Is he doing all the household chores and he feels that this is just another chore for him?

I think working long days and all weekend is unsustainable not just for your health but also for your relationship. There needs to be some compromise so that you can be together - even if that is just to build the shed!

It is entirely reasonable that he wants your involvement. I wonder if you are still feeling over whelmed and stressed?

Of course you need to help him! You can’t build that on your own, it’s unsafe for starters!

He sounds jealous to me.
I hope you have your ducks in a row just in case 😉

To be fair, he's supporting your new venture whilst presumably also working full time himself. It's not unreasonable to expect you to pull your weight on the things you want when you're spending a lot of money and all of your free time on your new venture.

Stopping one job with a pay cheque guaranteed every month to starting a new business that may take a good while to get off the ground is quite a thing to ask. I think he is being sensible especially if money is tight in the household. I would compromise and keep teaching for a short while and just do Saturdays as dog grooming to hone your skills until you can get a good reputation. As for the shed build….why not help him? I think it would be great fun, it would be done in half the time and it’s your business…roll your sleeves up OP and get stuck in!

Considering he wants you to help build the shed and says this: "expect to be grooming every weekend as well as working in full time teaching to build the business", it sounds to me like he is worried that you have given up a secure profession for self employment.

You might think being SE is easy as you can just clock out early the way you see him do, but before you get to that stage you need to get qualified in your profession, build a client base, get cash flow sorted, and have a sense of stability.

It sounds like he is worried you have given up a steady paycheck to "dabble" in self employment, which is why he is using you helping him with the shed as a way of gauging your commitment. You have also taken out a loan on top of giving up your employment.

Are you planning on building the business at the weekends while continuing to teach for the time being as he suggests, or not?

I'm not sure if you appreciate that most people starting a new business have to put in huge amount of effort. And usually while holding their regular job until the new business starts to become profitable. You haven't even taken a course yet!
Have you checked with your council about operating a business from your home? Where will people park? Are there regulations that your 'shed' has to meet for this kind of business? Where will you be holding the dogs waiting for collection? Who will be handling your next appointment while you are still working on a dog? Do they have to walk through your house? Will your neighbours be happy about it? You need power and water there - can your partner handle that?
Asking him to start building you a shed when you haven't even clipped your first dog seems premature. Plus you should probably work in an established grooming shop to learn the ropes of running the business - it's not just dealing with dogs, but scheduling, products, insurance, business rates, dealing with customers ...
So many more issues other than the attitude of your partner (which seems reasonable by the way).