Ex contacting me after 15 years

[RomanaBanana]

Good advise needed
Ex contacted me after 15 years via Facebook.
We dated for a few years in our early 20s. Very passionate, but I left him and I am now married and so is he.
We have exchanged some messages. Just friendly. He says he is thinking back on his younger days.
Could his intentions just be friendly or is he… well… looking for a shag? I am not by the way, just not sure if I should keep messaging or am I going down the rabbit hole.

I think you probably already know the answer to this. You are playing with fire and easy to get fingers burnt in these situations!

I wouldn’t have ever responded

I dunno. I've been contacted by exes. Often they want a shag but some have been genuine friendship seeking. I'm in touch often with 2 men I dated in the past and it's not been creepy

I contacted an ex of ten years ago recently. I don't want sex with him, I contacted him because for a few years of my life he was the most important person to me and I finally feel like enough time has passed that I can see him without it being painful. He was open to meeting for a coffee and a catch up. Not everyone's intentions are bad.

He told me he just wants to know how I am especially after Covid. I can’t help thinking he must still have feelings for me. I would never have contacted my ex’s as I just don’t care.

'He told me he just wants to know how I am especially after Covid. I can’t help thinking he must still have feelings for me. I would never have contacted my ex’s as I just don’t care.'
So why on earth didn't you respond 'it's kind of you to ask, but I don't think it's appropriate', or ignore the message?

@RomanaBanana

He told me he just wants to know how I am especially after Covid. I can’t help thinking he must still have feelings for me. I would never have contacted my ex’s as I just don’t care.

I think this has happened quite a lot. 3 of my exes contacted me at the start of Covid. I think it's done funny things to people who have re-evaluated their priorities.

Honestly I’d let the messaging die off
You’ve told him what he said he wanted to know. No good can come of anything further
Put yourself first not an ex from 25 years ago

Could it be that he just wants to be friends?

Friends? What on earth do you have in common after all this time?

But do you want to be friends? Do you care? Is it worth the risk, really? Personally I would 100% ghost.

Yes I am just confused. Wondering if I am reading too much into his message or if it’s just innocent and I should reply nicely like any long lost friend.

Block

I think this has happened quite a lot. 3 of my exes contacted me at the start of Covid. I think it's done funny things to people who have re-evaluated their priorities.

I agree.
Just reply in a normal friendly way (unless he was abusive) it might be nice for you to catch up too.
If he wants it to go further you can then decide whether it’s right for you or not.

I don't think you need to be hasty and block just yet, as long as you're keeping it friendly there's no harm, I wouldn't start a friendship as this could lead into EA territory or the moment he starts trying it on then I would block contact

@CouldThisReallyBe

I contacted an ex of ten years ago recently. I don't want sex with him, I contacted him because for a few years of my life he was the most important person to me and I finally feel like enough time has passed that I can see him without it being painful. He was open to meeting for a coffee and a catch up. Not everyone's intentions are bad.

I've done this too. Unfortunately I was disappointed, he wasn't the guy I remembered, and I regretted meeting him again.

@RomanaBanana

Yes I am just confused. Wondering if I am reading too much into his message or if it’s just innocent and I should reply nicely like any long lost friend.

I am a very cynical bitch, BUT every message from a man who you're not in a relationship or not related to should be treated as an attempted booty call.

There might be some men who genuinely reach out to exes to "see how they are". I've yet to meet one.

As someone whose DH did this it didn’t end well. DH wanted to just see how things turned out for his ex ( lockdown boredom) but it triggered old feelings. He was upfront about contacting her and I didn’t think there would be a problem 35 yrs on, but I was wrong. We’ve weathered the storm, but we now have a problem with her stalking us.
Unless you are single don’t revisit your past unless you’ve always been in touch then it’s not a problem. Reconnecting after decades is not likely to end well.

If you are both single then there is no problem. If either or both of you are in a relationship then think carefully how you would feel if your partner was reconnecting with an ex they haven’t seen for 20yrs.

I think it's bizarre to contact someone after so long, an ex, seeking some kind of 'friendship' ?

Messy, unboundaried, whiffs of desparation.
"fishing".

Block.

He wants to see if you’re up for it!
He’s a man, they don’t do friendship with an ex!

Lots of sage advice here, op. Please listen to it.