Would you believe this

[pumpkinzz]

Hi something my husband said years ago has always bugged me it was about twenty years ago and he asked me , out of the blue what I would do if he cheated on me , we have had numerous arguments over the years about this and he says he didn't mean anything by it and he hasn't t done anything and it was just a question , but I don't think that's a question that comes out of the blue like that, he says it was. Would you believe this I know I am paranoid anways but what would others think.

I wouldn't think necessarily he had cheated unless there were other red flags. Could have been anything that made him ask - storyline in a soap to finding out a colleague or friend had cheated.

Why do you care what others will think? Why do you need external validation?

If you don't trust him, leave him. If you do, drop it.

Stop making drama. It's not helping anybody.

Well if that was literally it then I wouldn't spend any more time worrying about it

20 years?! Let it go, unless he's dodgy in other ways?

I try not to think about it but just can't get it out of my mind it drives me mad sometimes and other times I don't think of it but it's always there

It's your responsibility, OP. You need to decide what you want to do. It doesn't matter what anybody else would do, because they would be responding to their own boundaries, not yours.

If you can't get it out of your mind, and you want to, you need to find a way. You need to deal with it. It's your thought process, and it's you that doesn't want it. Nothing is actually happening; all the drama is in your head.

A few other things were a friend of ours that I knew liked him was outside with him at our wedding reception just the two of them and I went outside and they were talking also we met her shopping a few years ago and had a chat and he went bright red but denied this after and started shouting at me that I was accusing him of something . I know I sound batshit crazy but whenever we argue he always turns thing round on to me he is very clever at doing that.

Dear God, I can't remember what my husband said to me this morning, let alone 20 years ago!

I've asked my husband crap like that before. I've never cheated on him though. Just stop being so paranoid and let it go. You're doing yourself no favours.

My husband and I have asked each other that question and actually the answer has changed over time but we've never thought twice about the fact we asked each other it. It's just an interesting topic and something you think about when in a relationship

Seriously, this is nothing - you need to stop thinking about it. Loads of people say random things like that. My daughter and I often ask each other things like “What would you do if I murdered someone - would you give me a witness?”

We are not murderers…..

My hubby and I ask daft questions like that. It’s just what people do

Your poor husband.
20 years of walking on pins because he asked you a question?
If I was him, I would seriously be reconsidering this relationship

My DP asks me random hypothetical questions all the time.

I wouldn't think he'd cheated because of the question, but there are other things that have made you suspicious. You'll never be absolutely certain what the truth is. If you can live with that, you need to drop this. If you can't, you need to leave him.

20 years is a long time to be walking on eggshells.

It is a strange question, not one that instills confidence into a relationship, maybe he was trying to make you feel insecure at the time.

Maybe he's just not that bright, some people do blurt out daft things to the wrong audience.

Only you would know if you're overly sensitive and he's not sensitive enough.

@pumpkinzz

A few other things were a friend of ours that I knew liked him was outside with him at our wedding reception just the two of them and I went outside and they were talking also we met her shopping a few years ago and had a chat and he went bright red but denied this after and started shouting at me that I was accusing him of something . I know I sound batshit crazy but whenever we argue he always turns thing round on to me he is very clever at doing that.

What are these arguments about?

it gives the impression you are insecure op.
a random comment made 20 years ago presumably when relatively young and immature shouldn't be allowed to dominate a relationship.
you can come up with all the OH BUT scenarios, the bottom line is either you improve the relationship and go forward or end it.
and to improve it you will need to find out why you've clung onto these words, what is it about your past that made you "save" that conversation.
personally people say stupid shit all the time and it usually means absolutely nothing.

Sometimes I ask my boyfriend if he'd love me if I was a worm, or lost all my limbs.

You need to learn to let this go.