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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dont know how to leave cheating long term partner

3 replies

Pleasedontjudge456 · 11/11/2021 16:27

I have been in a relationship with dp for 7 years. We have two children together 3 and 5. Since our first child was born I suffered with horrible pnd and found out he contacted an escort website to arrange a meet up and although said he didnt contsct anyone did order chlamydia pills (which I found out a couple of years later).

Ever since I have lived in a state of him overstepping boundaries that I have set out (dating sites, only fans, porn addiction, sending explicit photos) and he has always gaslit or made me feel bad so I've forgiven him mostly to try and do what's best for the kids.

Obviously our sex life is shot and we do it once a week maybe and if we dont hes either in a massive huff or I'm paranoid that hes cheating on me. I also do 99% of childcare/housework and he spends a lot of time on his playstation or asleep (you know the type) Obviously I've had no confidence and financially breaking up has not been an option as we live paycheck to paycheck. I feel numb at this point and just rock bottom confidence.

Today I found out hed signed up for admire me and subscribed to somebody we know mutually (which is a boundary that I have set clearly that I have an issue with) I've been ready to split up for ages but I don5 know how to go about it. He wouldn't be able to move anywhere else and I know hed make my life miserable until I gave in. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
verymiddleaged · 11/11/2021 16:29

Do you own or rent?
Are you married?
Do you work?

These kind of questions will impact how you split up.
However it sounds like an excellent idea and should be perfectly possible if not always easy in the short term.

Pleasedontjudge456 · 11/11/2021 16:33

@verymiddleaged yes, we private rent. He works 40 hours and I work 8 although have been in discussion with work about working 16 in the new year for childcare funding reasons. Also not married, engaged but never discussed further

OP posts:
samesign · 11/11/2021 17:32

Renting does make it a bit easier to split, he can move out and you will be able to claim universal credit to pay most of the rent maybe all of it depending on the amount. The benefits get paid directly to you so the landlord doesn't need to know.
He works full time why wouldn't he be able to live elsewhere, tell him to start moving out, he can rent a room somewhere.

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