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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

9 year relationship and wanting to quit

4 replies

Running739 · 11/11/2021 07:06

I’ve been in a relationship for 9 years and for the last few months or so have thought about getting out of it.

It has become a more urgent need as at the moment we are renting a flat but have to vacate the property by May 2022.

My partner is committed to buying a house together and has been saving for a long time to do this but I don’t feel the same commitment he does and I think that going into this is wrong.

The relationship hasn’t been great for a long time, I don’t feel that we connect anymore and I feel like we are flat mates more than anything else. We don’t have sex, I go to bed early and we don’t seem to spend quality time together and when we do we are both on out phones. Sometimes I think he feels the same but doesn’t want to say anything. He has 3 adult children living in London and I have a older son who doesn’t live with me.

There’s always been friction when it comes to
family and that still remains the same 9 years down the line.

I do love my partner and he has given me a good life in the past but I feel I can’t stay in a relationship with him just for that reason.

I’m afraid of making a wrong decision but I also don’t want to make a huge financial commitment about something I’m not 100% sure of either.

I’m sure he knows something isn’t quite right as every time he brings it up he can sense that I don’t engage with him.

He’s going away for 4 days this weekend to see his family and I’m sure he’s using that as a reflection time too.

Posting this here as I don’t have anyone to talk with and thought some online advice would be good.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 11/11/2021 10:15

I don't understand why you haven't discussed any of this with him? You say "I"m sure he knows something isn't quite right" but you haven't broached the problem with him? Very strange in a 9 year relationship.

desperatehousewife21 · 11/11/2021 11:04

So when he brings it up, why don’t you engage with him? If he’s bringing it up then he can sense something isn’t right, that’s a perfect time to discuss your concerns.

Try and talk to him, nothing will get resolved by staying silent. Especially as you only have a few months left on the rental.

FortunesFave · 12/11/2021 22:21

@desperatehousewife21

So when he brings it up, why don’t you engage with him? If he’s bringing it up then he can sense something isn’t right, that’s a perfect time to discuss your concerns.

Try and talk to him, nothing will get resolved by staying silent. Especially as you only have a few months left on the rental.

I think she means when he brings up buying a house rather than the relationship.
1MillionDollars · 12/11/2021 22:28

Didn't read it, the title was enough. You want out, then get out. Don't deny how you feel no matter what the stakes.

Take a break, separate, whatever, don't deny how you feel.

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