Wwyd

[Bingala]

Name changed.

I separated from ex in August and met someone almost immediately after. He was very interested but I told him I needed to be single for a while as processing breakup etc. We had fabulous sexual chemistry though so I suggested casual arrangement. So weve been meeting up occasionally, going on date weekends etc.

Few months down the line, he...

• messages me everyday
• jokes about and mentions being my boyfriend
• has told his friends and family about me
• takes me on amazing dates
• asks me lots of questions and takes an interest in my life
• sends me romantic songs

We have an amazing time together and Im starting to feel like I'm not holding up my 'casual' suggestion. I'm definitely starting to develop feelings for him. I think he is likewise.

Do I... let things continue to develop naturally OR do I tell him how I'm feeling...
I feel like he wants to tell me he has feelings, but is hesitating because I've continuously pushed him away emotionally, and have told him I don't want emotions to get involved... help!

This honestly could have been me 15 years ago. We're now married with a DD...

I'd be honest with him. Tell him you have feelings, but if you want to still let things develop slowly, tell him that too. There's no rules on how long you have to wait before starting a new relationship after the end of the previous one, although you've been sensible, it's daft to push away someone you have a good connection with.

I think it sounds as though you're not ready for a full-on committed relationship yet.

And that's fine!

But yes, you should tell him how you feel. Then he can decide whether or not to wait for a bit or move on. But I think it's very respectful that you have seen this as an issue.

If you're not ready, you're not ready.

He sounds wonderful! I understand you needing time to get your head together after a break up, but life is short. He’ll understand if you explain it to him. Good luck!

@ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower really?! What happened with you two?

Just to clarify - I DO now want to pursue things. I just don't know how / if to tell him as I've always said to him I would only be after something casual...

Just be honest

I’m jealous! Lol

Just tell him how you feel but if you’re getting feelings then it might be tough to stay casual lol

Be honest with him. You wanted it casual because of recent break up, but you are developing strong feelings for him and you are thinking you dont want to be just casual anymore.

He sounds great, and considerate of what you asked for and he sounds as though he really wants to be with you and is willing to take it at your pace.

Just be honest.

Just tell him. Sounds like he is trying to be respectful of your original wishes but I suspect your honesty will be a relief for him

So I shouldn't wait for him to say it first? I thought the "rule" was always let the guy lead..

@Bingala

So I shouldn't wait for him to say it first? I thought the "rule" was always let the guy lead..

Really? Do women really still think like this?

Well of course you both have "feelings" - a) you are humans, not robots, and b) neither of you seems to be acting like you are just FWB, you're acting like you're boyfriend and girlfriend. No need to launch in with a heavy conversation unless you want one.... Just start referring to him as your boyfriend or to yourself as his girlfriend and see how it goes?
FWIW I am in a relationship which I'm enjoying very much, which started off as very much agreed casual only. Both of us were clear on that. It's morphed into a conventional, exclusive relationship without any formal discussion, just a bit of sounding out about exclusivity.
Sounds like you've found something good OP - well done!

@Bingala

So I shouldn't wait for him to say it first? I thought the "rule" was always let the guy lead..

No, just be honest and don't play games