Nothing feels like home, is this a solution or stupid idea?

[TuscanSkyRed]

I have had a shit time the last few years and I’ve reached 36 feeling pretty lost and broken. I’m single and would desperately like a relationship but ultimately I feel lonely, not part of anything, all the time.

I’ve often felt like this over the years and it’s making me want to move from the outskirts of a city (which is basically an ‘area’ rather than a homely place if that makes sense), back to where I grew up…right bang in the midlands in a village near Lichfield.

I work remotely and often go to London or Manchester or Birmingham. It doesn’t really matter where I’m based

But would going back there be a step back? I have an up and down relationship with my parents but it would mean I was an hour closer to my sibling and also wouldn’t make much difference to the friendships I have that are strongest, as they are scattered all over the uk anyway. I don’t have any close friends in the city I am in

I’m worried I will move back there and still feel lost, or it won’t bring me comfort, or I will be stuck there not meeting anyone. But then I think whoever I do meet online are all over the place these days, I often travel half an hour or an hour to meet someone. My last partner lived in a different city.

I’m confused as you can probably tell. I definitely don’t want to move someone I don’t know, that’s certain. So for me it’s either stay here or go back to that place I grew up.

I’m just so sad here. I have no real life especially now I’m not commuting into work everyday. I wake up in a place that has no real community vibe to it, it’s grotty (though my house is nice) and it’s just not a cosy place where I feel at home.

I know much of this is being single and feeling lonely, though. When I had a partner I enjoyed my home a lot and didn’t think much about where I was based. But now I’m alone I crave that feeling of home.

Sorry this is so rambled.

*move somewhere I don’t know

Of course it isn't a step back.
There's no law that says you can't move back to your home town.
Be happy ,😊😊😊

How vulnerable are you, economically if you lost your job? Do you currently own your home? Is having children important to you?

If you're not bothered with coupling up and if you just rent, the world's your oyster really. You don't have to move back to where you grew up. Have a look at some nice towns that are within an hour of one of the major cities you commute to every now and again.

Where would like to live? Sounds to me like you pick so many places if you work remotely.

Since you're unsure, it's an option that could be parked for the future. For now, is it possible to seek out community groups where you currently live, not hobby groups necessarily, I'm thinking to get involved in something where you'll be part of something/the community? One thing might lead to another thing and you could find yourself with lots of new friends who you'd never otherwise have met. If it doesn't work out you can still move back to your hometown.

I'm not sure moving back to your hometown wouldn't leave you in the exact same situation, except somewhere else. That's how you make it sound. It's not a step back, I'm just not convinced it'll fix your problems.

If you specifically want to be nearer your sibling so you'll be able to see them more often then that's different and you should go.

Not sure where/why your parents come into it, will you feel under pressure to see them/be their carer if you move closer to them and you don't want to do these things?

I wouldn’t move to a small village as a single person wanting to broaden my life and connections and eventually hoping to meet somebody. It’s great if you have a family and are going to be meeting people through schools / playgroup, getting involved with the local community activities and so on. I don’t think it will solve your problems of feeling lost, lonely and disconnected to move somewhere where you won’t have many connections, will likely find it difficult to make them, and already have a fractured relationship with your parents which living nearer to them may just highlight.

It sounds like you’re quite depressed and that’s affecting both your enjoyment of things and your approach to improving your life. Have you spoken to a doctor or therapist about that before?

I live in a village outside Lichfield and I'd say most of them do have a community if you're prepared to find it. There's also a fantastic FB group called Make New Friends that organise loads of events and meet ups for single women of all ages in the local area that would make you very welcome. There's also a neighbourhood app. You do have to get out there and find your tribe.

If I were you, I'd actually look to move somewhere more cosmopolitan- much better supply of available men, more choice and options and easier to meet friends and do a wide range of fun activities!

Why not more to the centre of Birmingham. Still close to Litchfield. You can easily visit your friends around the country with the good transport links. Fun city with tonnes to keep you entertained and loads of single men!

I'm sorry you feel down. Sending love!

You sound like me OP, I am not long out of a two decade long relationship and living in a place I have no great like or dislike for, floating along in a job that's a bit meh, and I feel lonely and a bit lost really.

I am feeling a longing for "home" but I don't know if that is for the place I actually grew up, which still has family there, or if I am yearning for a different time in my life when I was happier and the really bad stuff hadn't happened yet. So my solution is a career coach and review of work options in the New Year, and some counselling to try to deal with how I'm feeling.

I can so relate to this OP, you are not alone. My suggestion is move into the city centre where you are now even if you have to get a smaller place

@Dontbeme I feel you. Homesick for the me I used to be.

Speaking from my own experience - FUCK NO.

Why on earth would you want to give up the benefits of living in a city (I assume Brum, and Brum is awesome) and move back to the sticks?

It doesn't sound like you'd be any happier moving back to where you grew up.
I moved around loads and tried living in various cities, towns and villages. It took years to find my 'home' when I visited a town and absolutely fell in love with it.
If I was you I'd have a really good think about exactly what you want from an area, then do loads of research and visit heaps of different places to get a feel for them, then pick your favourite and rent there for a bit, see if it's a good fit.

On the one hand, being in the Midlands is brilliant for being handy for loads of places. On the other if you have a tricky relationship with your parents would that be difficult if it's on your doorstep?
I think you have to consider what's important to you in an area and go looking for a place that best provides those things. Could you rent in your home area while you figure it out?
You aren't the same person you were when growing up, although it will always feel like home, it might not work for who you are now.

X post @Sparkletree!

It takes time to put down roots and feel like you belong, it rarely happens overnight

If you aren't happy where you currently live then it would seem sensible to explore alternative options but wherever you choose you need to accept that it will take a while to settle and as a single person without kids it will take some effort to meet people in your community and build up a sense of belonging (but it's definitely possible)

If your relationship with your parents is tricky then I wouldn't personally choose the same village where they are unless you have a few good friends who alsol live there

A bigger village or town might be better in terms of making friends and meeting a potential partner