I cannot control my anger anymore

[sabrina1234]

I cannot control my anger any more and I feel like it is starting to ruin my life. I feel as though it is because of what I have been through in my life.
A bit of a back story- growing up I had been bullied by my parents and extended family regarding my weight which made me a very insecure person growing up.
I then got into an abusive relationship, he used to hit me and say the mean things my parents would say to me as well as other horrible things. This included things like telling me to get surgery on my body because it's unattractive and that my vagina is ugly ( to name a few).
Overtime he changed and matured and became the person I wanted him to be in the beginning- but I don't see me spending my life with him anymore. This has been on my shoulders for the past 2 years and everytime I try to break things off I can't but I know I am going to do it. It's just been hard for me to do.
I found out my dad was cheating on my mum. He is also manipulative and controlling and emotionally abusive with her. I saw saved Google searches on his phone on "how to emotionally manipulate a woman".
With all this combined, I tried therapy, yet I feel as though my therapist didn't understand me. I've been through 2 on the NHS. I was told that I'm not strong and need to be strong to deal with things. I felt as though they didn't want to help me deal with the deep issues I had and it was just very on the surface conversation, I didn't feel comfortable talking to them about certain things.

So right now I feel trapped. I keep getting angry at little things and I feel so so horrible when I get angry at the ones I love. Just before I told my mum to SHUTUP because she was going on and on about something which I made a mistake on (accidentally using her credit card to purchase something as I normally buy things for her on my Amazon account because she's unsure how to do it, I juts forgot to change it back) and I feel really shitty about this and ashamed of myself that I raised my voice at her because I have never done this in my life. I just feel like I can't relax with all these issues. Don't get me wrong I know people have it worse and I am greatful for everything I have. I am a nurse by profession and my career means everything to me. I feel like a total hypocrite with my anger issues and I am desperate for help or any advice. I know that this isn't me, and I feel so ashamed, if anyone has any advice or tips I would greatly appreciate them. Thank you

Have you had any counselling?

I felt as though they didn't want to help me deal with the deep issues I had and it was just very on the surface conversation, I didn't feel comfortable talking to them about certain things.

Firstly, assuming you have apologised to your mum, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It sounds really hard, what you're going through - your family and partner sound horrendous.

To be honest I think there is only one solution - ditching your partner, going LC with your family, and then going back and trying therapy/counselling again, but this time to try and push through your discomfort about talking about the stuff you couldn't bring yourself to talk before. Of course they don't understand you if you don't discuss the hard stuff. The very fact that there is hard stuff that you don't want to talk about is why you're there.

Think about it - you're a nurse, you're a highly trained medical professional. There must be patients all the time that you deal with that are uncomfortable with you but that trust you as a professional to do your job. I think you need to do the same with a therapist - there's no way they can help you unless you are open with them about everything, especially the stuff you're not comfortable discussing. Just as you wouldn't be able to help a patient with, I don't know, a horrible rash under their clothes unless they took their clothes off to show you but were really uncomfortable and anxious about taking clothes off in front of you.

Someone once told me that anger and frustration is like a capped oil well - you can keep a lid on it for only so long, but it will start leaking round the edges and when the pressure builds up it can blow up suddenly. The only way is to deal with the circumstances causing the anger and frustration, or finding some way to cope so it doesn't cause so much emotional pressure - and that's where the therapy comes in.

Would you consider going back to therapy? I know CBT is considered the best option for anger management and that might help too, though not with unpicking the emotional abuse you've suffered

Amazing post by @Xiaoxiong. I think they've nailed it. Seconding every word.

I would also suggest that you perhaps haven't ever been allowed to express anger before so what feels like out of control anger to you is just a normal level of anger and a rational anger in response to the situation you find yourself in. Where I'm coming from, shouting shut up at someone who keep going on about a mistake you've made is pretty mild.

Yes, I don't think you have anger issues. You're being abused by everybody in your life and you're reaching boiling point. Please use this anger to get away from them, you'll likely be much happier on your own, or with people who actually love and respect you