Chances of a love like this happening again?

[Abcsqq]

I messed up a few years ago and let a really good man go. It was my fault entirely, I was looking for more drama I think, as ridiculous as that sounds. I’m not like that anymore, I’ve had counselling and feel like I have matured. That said, I’m now 35 and this man has since moved countries and clearly completely moved on with his life. He was kind, he loved me so much, he wanted a future, he was stable and caring and patient.

I’ve dated since and there’s been nice men, but none who have treated me anywhere near like this man did. It makes me feel terrible going over what happened and how I wish I hadn’t been so silly.

I don’t think anyone will love me like he did. And I was 3 years younger then too, so maybe even less chance now.

Has anyone had a great love twice?

I have. In my 20s I dated someone for 2 years. I adored him and although I knew he adored me too, he wasn’t ready for marriage etc so I ended it- I was hoping he’d come back and say how much he missed me and take the next steps etc. That didn’t happen. It took me a LONG time to get over him.

I moved on and dated a few men. Got engaged (twice🙄) and had a child. I never felt for any of these men what I felt for my ex. I assumed that what I felt for my ex wasn’t real love- that maybe I was just highly attracted to him and adored him because I was young and didn’t know any better etc. I ended all my other relationships as I never felt like they were the one. I couldn’t imagine that I’d ever capture that first love feeling again and I decided not to date unless he was something amazing.
I ended up falling desperately in love with an old friend who I’d known for about 10 years. One day something just ignited between us and it has remained this was for years now. I ADORE him with all of my heart and I know he feels the same. I feel like I’ve gotten a second chance at First Love.

It can happen- just be patient and DONT SETTLE! Butterflies in your tummy, racing heart, breathing them in, feeling at “home” when I’m in his arms. I wish I hadn’t wasted so many years settling for anything less x

What tends to happen in these ‘the one who got away’ type of regrets is that you very selectively remember things. Plus people change. You have. He will. In ways you might not like.

Things end for a reason. You can and will find what you’re looking for. All the more easily if you can persuade yourself to stop looking back and comparing things to an idealised version of things.

Matt Haig’s the midnight library is about a woman having the chance to live out the lives she’s have if she’d made the various choices she now regrets (and she’s miserable because of those regrets). You might find it a good thing to read.