He's broke the court order a second time!

MintJulia · 10/11/2021 01:43

It sounds like he's showing you that the court order is irrelevant and that he can do as he pleases.
I'd document the two occasions, all the details. I'd send him an email reminding him of the clause in the court order and ask again to be told where they will be. If it happens a third time I'd withhold contact and let him take you back to court.
The affair and cms aren't relevant to access.

Spandang · 10/11/2021 01:54

Exactly as @MintJulia says you document and you fire a warning shot. You have to build up a picture for courts to see that he’s not adhering to the order.

You mention the court order states he has to tell you where he is taking them, that’s quite specific and not something I’ve seen in a standard court order, so I suggest you include that wording in your warning.

They won’t care about affairs or finances you’re better off accepting that isn’t within your influence to change.

coodawoodashooda · 10/11/2021 01:56

@Leanne1191

Hi everyone,

So my ex took me to court and got a child contact order, he has broken this twice now, first time I didn't tell me he was taking them over 5 hours away and was late bringing them back by an hour and half and didn't tell me that untill 40 mins after he was meant to of brought them back and the second time he's done it again and took them over 3 hours away and didn't tell me in advance or the address he was taking them? Now the court order states that he is meant to let me know in advance where he is taking them and where he is taking them but both times he has failed to do this?

Where do I stand with this because it's getting a joke now as I am their mother and need to know exactly where my children are when I'm his care? Do I refuse him to have them and let him take me back to court or do I wait till he does it again and notify the police?

If you have read my previous threads you will know this man is a narcissist and he's very controlling and caused me a lot of stress and grief since splitting up with him, as well as him cheating on me with another woman 6 months after we got married!! Oh and he doesn't pay a penny for the kids and hasn't done for over a year too! Some how he has also hid his earnings as he's self employed and they haven't got a figure of him 🙄🙄

I promise you that the court wont give a shit. I am so sorry.

altmember · 10/11/2021 02:09

Why does the court order stipulate that he has to keep you informed of where he's taking the kids? Is there an acknowledged risk of abduction or something?

UhOhOops · 10/11/2021 03:03

What's the exact wording of the court order that stipulates exactly that he must tell you about where he takes the kids on his contact time?

I've never heard of this stipulation before.

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 10/11/2021 07:42

@altmember

Why does the court order stipulate that he has to keep you informed of where he's taking the kids? Is there an acknowledged risk of abduction or something?

Because he has threatened to keep them before and he keeps his address hidden and CAFCASS were concerned why he wasn't telling me where he was taking them as I am their mum and I should know exactly where they are staying.

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Original poster

Leanne1191 · 10/11/2021 07:43

@UhOhOops

What's the exact wording of the court order that stipulates exactly that he must tell you about where he takes the kids on his contact time?

I've never heard of this stipulation before.

CAFCASS were concerned why he didn't want to tell me his address and that I should know of the where abouts of my children when they are in his care, he has before told me he's not bringing them home. It's all about control with this man

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Original poster

Leanne1191 · 10/11/2021 07:44

@Spandang

Exactly as *@MintJulia* says you document and you fire a warning shot. You have to build up a picture for courts to see that he’s not adhering to the order.

You mention the court order states he has to tell you where he is taking them, that’s quite specific and not something I’ve seen in a standard court order, so I suggest you include that wording in your warning.

They won’t care about affairs or finances you’re better off accepting that isn’t within your influence to change.

To be honest I am concerned about his financial situation because if he's stating that he is earning less than £7 a week when he's just brought a new car and has just got his own place then how is he feeding our children three meals a day?

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Original poster

Leanne1191 · 10/11/2021 07:45

@MintJulia

It sounds like he's showing you that the court order is irrelevant and that he can do as he pleases. I'd document the two occasions, all the details. I'd send him an email reminding him of the clause in the court order and ask again to be told where they will be. If it happens a third time I'd withhold contact and let him take you back to court. The affair and cms aren't relevant to access.

Yes he is, when I told him that the court order states he has to tell me in advance where he is taking them of the address is different to the one that is on the court order he has to tell me he then said no I don't think that's right and said it doesn't say that I have checked it and it does even confirmed this with my solicitor he's just trying to do what he wants which is typical him because he has to have control over everything as per usual

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Monalotmoore · 10/11/2021 08:03

Talk to your solicitor.

mamas12 · 10/11/2021 08:20

Document it send the letter to him and let your solicitor know and then don’t hand them over until he tells you where they are going
Of course he may lie but at least you will have in writing what he said and can prove it and then not hand them over
Really worrying for
You and exactly what he wants, to destabilise you

TyrannosaurusRights · 10/11/2021 08:23

Let you solicitor advise you on the court order.

Earnings. I’d report him to HMRC - apparently his lifestyle and income don’t match up. No one cares about CMS payments but HMRC cares about tax dodging.

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 10/11/2021 08:36

@Monalotmoore

Talk to your solicitor.

Solicitor has advised that I am too contact him, so I have said to him he's breached it again. I will keep a file of what he is doing too and then I will refuse contact if he does this again next time

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Original poster

Leanne1191 · 10/11/2021 08:36

@TyrannosaurusRights

Let you solicitor advise you on the court order.

Earnings. I’d report him to HMRC - apparently his lifestyle and income don’t match up. No one cares about CMS payments but HMRC cares about tax dodging.

Yes I'll be starting a fraud report with HMRC because it's a joke if honest 🙄

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Original poster

Leanne1191 · 10/11/2021 08:37

@mamas12

Document it send the letter to him and let your solicitor know and then don’t hand them over until he tells you where they are going Of course he may lie but at least you will have in writing what he said and can prove it and then not hand them over Really worrying for You and exactly what he wants, to destabilise you

Yeah this is what he does everything to try and piss me off which is now getting a joke because he was the one who took me to court and now he keeps breaching it. I will wait to see if he does this again next time

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mamas12 · 10/11/2021 09:37

Don’t know how he is, or will likely react, only you do but if you could ‘warn’ him by stating
‘Due to your court order that you wanted you seemed to have breached it once again Yama yada
Please comply with the court order you requested
Or whatever wording you think
And let him know that it is not acceptable and to let you know next time
Then the ball is in his court I know it’s hard to not be fearful if reaction but he is taking the piss

Fireflygal · 10/11/2021 09:53

You can download forms from court site to enforce a court order. Phone the court who made the order and ask for information on enforcing the order

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 10/11/2021 10:01

The police should be able to find out where he lives so ask them to do a welfare check - you may have to really push for this, but if you explain the situation and the risks they should do it more easily. You can also let Children's Service be aware of your concerns if he isn't feeding the kids. They have to follow up any notifications of neglect and abuse. Having these instances documented will help when going to court. You are within your rights to withhold contact if you fear he is neglecting the children. He will then have to take you back to court (he will have to apply for mediation first as this is now a prerequisite for going to family court). As you will have documentation from the police and Children's services, plus your records of him not adhering to the contact order, the courts will understand why you withheld contact.

BobLemon · 10/11/2021 10:05

How DO you know where he’s taking them? Receiving an interrogation on return from contact with a NRP is not something DCs should have to go though.

Bluebells34 · 10/11/2021 10:41

Court orders are not worth the paper they are written on. My ex continued to not return my daughter on a Sunday evening - the police would do nothing as he has parental consent and could not enforce anything. I was told I would have to go back to court to get my daughter back? I had already spent £1'000's
He would bring her back the next day but the anguish of not knowing when or if she would be back was awful. It was another form of abuse and control for him.

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 10/11/2021 12:39

@BobLemon

How DO you know where he’s taking them? Receiving an interrogation on return from contact with a NRP is not something DCs should have to go though.

He doesn't get an interrogation he was just asked to let me know where they are being taken too? It's a simple court order request that's easy to follow of your not a control freak

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