It's not doing me a favour when you're parenting your children!!!

[beatrice82]

I stay around the house Monday and Tuesday - school run, food shop, laundry, hoovering, tidying up. I have employment Wed - Fri.

DH works from home and is quite stressed and busy at the moment. Still manages to find time for extremely long baths though.

Apparently he 'did me a favour' today when I asked him to pick kids up so I could attend a work meeting (on my day off).

This has driven me up the wall... he didn't 'do me a favour'... he parented his children by picking them up from school.

Also angry that he forgot to give DC the plate of dinner I'd made up for them so they didn't eat until he remembered (5minutes before I arrived home!). Didn't give them a drink with it and didn't get DS into his sportswear for his club, so he was late.

I'm so annoyed that he sees it as 'helping me' and isn't reliable enough to actually remember/think of what he needs to do, ie feed them!!

Have you told him this?

Yes I have. He said I shouldn't be nagging him when he did me a favour 😞

Just say why is it a favour when you do it, but not me? Or if it’s a favour per se he owes you thousands of favours til now, or you could send him the bill…

Accusing you of nagging and calling basic parenting doing you a favour?

It's misogynist bingo with this one. Does he also see doing housework as 'helping' you OP?

He doesn't sound very nice.

Ha yes that's about right. Basically I'm a sahm that pops out to work 3 days a week. He'll do the bins, dishwasher once a day, cool once at weekend and read bedtime stories. Anything else is a favour to me.

Was picking the kids up done during his working day?

Your dh sounds a bit rubbish but I'm wondering how old your dc are that they can't get their own drink or sports kit - or let dh know they are hungry?!

@beatrice82

Ha yes that's about right. Basically I'm a sahm that pops out to work 3 days a week. He'll do the bins, dishwasher once a day, cool once at weekend and read bedtime stories. Anything else is a favour to me.

Ok but it isn't a favour, you do know that right? They're his kids too.

You work 3/7 days. He works what 5/7 days? Yet you do I presume 90+% of the cooking, cleaning and childcare in total?

Your post sounds quite jovial but it's really sad OP - you should expect someone you share a life and kids with to be a teammate and an equal. You aren't default parent and housekeeper just because you have a vagina.

Ditto fathers “babysitting” when it’s their own kids. Strangely enough it’s not babysitting when dad goes out and mum stays home.

If he was meant to be at work & had to make up the time then yes, it is a favour !

I won't comment on the overall division of labour as it's bound to be the usual depressing story of the woman working 2/5 daye and yet doing all of the household work not just 3/5 of it ... but that aside, yes if you're supposed to usually pick up the children so he can work, it is a favour to switch.

The not doing proper food & sportswear is proper shit,however!

So he's a misogynistic prick. What a fine specimen.

Where does your salary go? If your working doesn’t count I wouldn’t share my salary! I could pay a bill occasionally as a favour just like he does some parenting.

When you went back to work after having kids, was he fully supportive of that?

If its a day when you do plan to pick up, tea, clubs routine and he had to organise to be away from work then yes he is doing you a favour.. I would not have necessarily called it that, it would have been working as a team.. As in "I have works thing tmr, any chance you can finish early to get little bean..."

Was he a misogynist before you had kids and you thought he’d magically change, or did he fundamentally change who he is as a person as soon as you had more than one kid with him?

Genuinely don’t understand how so many women find males like this appealing. It doesn’t make sense.

If you have an agreed routine to divide out working and domestic duties, and he's covered extra to help you out, then yes, that is technically a favour.

If you're not happy with the current division of labour/chores then that's another matter, which you should address.

LOL helping you! He is a joke!
Next time, leave him with the children, no dinner, nothing prepared and do not come back till late. He is gonna love it!

Parenting is a team effort, if the DC need something (feeding, reminding to get changed) and the parent who usually organises that isn't there then it falls to the parent who is there. The parent who isn't there could remind them it needs doing by txt/WhatsApp as the parent who doesn't usually organise it might not have it on their radar.

We have group chats on WhatsApp, I would pop it on there if I had chance to ensure things were running on time, maybe you could do that for next time?

But in short no it's not a favour it's being part of a team

You married a waster, but I think you know that.

Condolences OP.

All the countless "favours" you do for him? Well, I would put a stop to that shit immediately. I'd be showing him very, very clearly how much you deal with. What a arsehole.