Coward Husband

[Yorkshirelass1997]

Hi, I'm quite angry right now and really could do with a pep talk or just to hear i am not alone. My husband is a bit of a coward. He never stood up for me in the past against friends or family even though he admitted that i was treated unfairly. We are having building work going on and a truck delivering goods went over the grass verge of our neighbour opposite. Yes, its taken a corner out of the verge (which isnt actually his by law but thats by the by). Neighbour came over demanding we sort it. Ok fine i get that but what annoyed me was that when our neighbour had building work done a few years back, the same happened to us but we didnt complain tot hem and just dealt with it ourselves. Hubby totally bent over when the neighbour was demanding and being quite rude about it all and it's totally made me angry that hubby didnt have more of a backbone!

Sorry, i know this may sound trivial.

So many posts on here about toxic masculinity, and then we have a husband who uses diplomacy and he's called a coward.

Excellent.

When I went round to bollock our nightmare neighbour for banging on the wall when I was hoovering in the middle of the day (which he did often) my ex husband hid, He was a big hairy biker ff's

@Lasttraintolondon

So many posts on here about toxic masculinity, and then we have a husband who uses diplomacy and he's called a coward.

Excellent.

Well exactly.

Actually some men feel intimidated by angry aggressive men too and getting angry back isn't always the best course of action.

I've got a mental image now of George Mcfly when Biff was confronting him, all squirmy and giggly ... not very appealing.

I feel sad for you if he is like this when others are having a go at you and not sticking up for you. That is really hurtful.

But maybe in this case he was just happy for the neighbour to vent, and take it on the chin. Next conversation could be more direct, that you sorted it when same happened to you by him a few years ago.

@Lasttraintolondon

So many posts on here about toxic masculinity, and then we have a husband who uses diplomacy and he's called a coward.

Excellent.

On point.

I would just leave the situation with the grass verge. If your neighbour opposite doesn't own the verge, then he's got no business demanding repairs. Your DH isn't a coward, he just handles things differently to you.
If the neighbour approaches you, your DH or your home demand repairs, just point out that he damaged a verge outside your home when having building work carried out and leave it at that.

• demanding

@HeddaGarbled

It may really really shock you to find out but some women feel intimidated by angry aggressive men. Crazy eh?

Are men not allowed to feel the same?

Yes, an angry, aggressive man is far more likely to physically assault another man than a woman. Most normal people would try to avert an aggressive confrontation by using diplomacy.

Nothing wrong with conflict avoidance. I feel a man is more likely to punch my DP in the face than they are me in a row in the street, so I wouldn't really want him stepping up to possibly get in a physical altercation.

Why can't you deal with this? Why does it have to be the man? It's not the 1940s.