ThThat if you are in LAT relationships, what's stopping you from living together ?

[platinumblondie]

Personal choice/ distance/ young kids: finances?
Do you hope to never live together?
I have young kids and youngest will leave for uni or work in 8 years. I would like to have my own home with my own kids and independence until then.
We're only together over a year and are really happy with our current set up but is 8 years reasonable to wait.
I feel our relationship would seriously suffer if not break down if he moved in while kids were here. It's a mad house at best!
He's used to living on his own for ten years.
Even though we are committed and very much in love and a massive support to one another , our time together feels like a constant honeymoon ; which we both love.
Just wondering really.. what are others experiences and where do you see your relationship going ?

His daughter is about to turn 12 and he and his ex do 50-50 so it's complicated enough for her as it is. I work from home and like my peace and quiet. We both like to do our own thing generally. There's just no reason to move in together - we aren't going to start a family; far too old. The relationship doesn't have to go anywhere! I'd be happy staying like this at the moment, been doing it almost 5 years.

Together 9 years and still live apart. Reasons are many. Some of them:

He has 2 DC and I have 3, so it would have to be a big house, somewhere between both schools (at one point 4 different schools!) and we’d have to do a lot of ferrying about which at the moment isn’t an issue as they’re all in walking distance. Also local friends.

Kids get on fine but are very different types of people and are also parented differently so I know there would be clashes there re boundaries, chores, discipline etc

He earns a lot more than I do. He would have to subsidise what I would lose in tax credits for being a single mum on a low income. This would also end up with a 2 tier family where his kids received more expensive things than mine or they had amazing holidays and we didn’t, as I can’t afford to. Otherwise DP would have to fund 7 of us. Living apart the huge financial gulf isn’t as obvious.

My house has a lot of equity in it which I hope to use for investing and funding my retirement. If I moved in with him I’d feel obliged to tie it up in the new house.

DP is messy. He leaves every cupboard and drawer open and leaves rubbish on the side, make a mess when he cooks, is generally oblivious to what needs doing. I can cope with this a couple of times a week, but full time would cause a lot of arguments.

I’m fiercely independent. I like things the way I like them, have specific ways I like things done and am quite set in my ways. So is DP. He’s an ‘alpha male’ type and wouldn’t want to give up his freedom to have things his way either. We would butt heads a lot I think!

My ideal is that in future I have my own small place and that I can go and visit him or him come to me, but we both keep our own space. I’d like to be married and dream of a proper home together but the reality is I don’t think it would work

It suits us.

There was a discussion at the pub a few weeks ago with a friend who's mother has just remarried well into her 70's. They dont live together but spend their days together, have dinner together, sometimes stay over but the vast majority of nights they spend in their own homes. He said he thought it was weird. DP and I were saying that that sort of arrangement would suit us down to the ground!

We have said that if we ever did live together we would need seperate bedrooms, bathrooms and lounges! He watches TV and films all the time, I dont own a TV and hate the constant noise from it. I read or listen to audio books all the time and like the peace of that, he gets antsy in silence.

We both snore but manage to keep the other one awake at different times! He works earlies and I tend to work lates plus I have insomnia and he can sleep on a washing line.

Plus at the moment we both have kids that spend the majoroty of time with us and they have all been through traumatic break ups of their families thanks to our abusive exes so we dont want to put them through any more upheaval.

At best we would be looking at another 8 years or so before we would be in a position to live together and as I said, we would need a very large house in order to accomodate both our requirements.....so no time soon!

I was in a long term relationship but we never lived together, and didn't want to. Plus, we never talk finances even though we were together for 4 years - I didn't even get the feeling he felt that way toward me that we'd 'share' things, inc. monies ... Also he has 3 children and is a little bit too close to his ex - and I am not particularly the cohabitating type.... I liked it when he went to his home..... I couldn't ever imagine myself living with another man..... Did it, didn't like it.... I am too use to it - I like the bed to myself. I like laying in bed watching YouTube without worrying if I'm keeping anyone awake ..

So no, never would - like my own space!

I'm in a similar situation to you - been with partner a couple of years, live 10 miles apart. Five children between us, aged 8 to 12. Living together just not practical at this point, and it's likely to be 10 years before it is (when kids turn adult). We only generally see each other properly one weekend a fortnight, when we're child free. It's frustrating but can't see any way to live together yet.