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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I leave him?

2 replies

Jesykatehol · 09/11/2021 10:33

Long story short myself age 27 and partner age 28 have been together over 2 years and live together. In feb this year I found out I was pregnant, heartbreakingly I terminated the pregnancy even though I shouldn't have as it's not what I wanted. My OH did not want baby as felt wasn't ready and I felt I had no option but to terminate, this is now the biggest regret of my life. I've had mental health issues since and carry an immense guilt with me that I cannot cope with. My other half cannot give me any time frame of when he wants kids and this is making our relationship increasingly hard. I need reassurance that he will want a baby with me within the next year but he won't give me this. I feel like I deserve some security for what I went through. I feel if he still can't give me this, do I leave him? I can't think straight atm so all help and advice I am grateful for.

OP posts:
Babyghirl · 09/11/2021 10:48

@Jesykatehol
Me personally I would walk, reason being the resentment of him making you terminate the pregnancy will just eat away at you and you will end up hating him anyway.

Leave look after yourself find someone who wants what you want in life and you will be alot happier.

Just ask yourself can you ever forgive him for making you terminate, if not you have your answer.

Weather or not he was ready a man who loved his partner would not make them do something they did not want to and would stand by then no matter what they choose to do.

category12 · 09/11/2021 11:05

Have you had any support or counselling to deal with your grief and misplaced guilt? If not, maybe that's a first step.

I think your broodiness is understandable and quite common in the circumstances, but it's not really surprising that if he didn't want a baby about 6 months ago, that he doesn't want one within the year/next couple of years.

So it's

  • whether you resent him,
  • and if not, whether you're willing to wait for him to be "ready" if you believe he wants children but just not now
  • or whether you don't believe he wants children at all.

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful about the termination and that you felt you didn't have the option to continue a pregnancy you wanted. Flowers

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