My lawyer advised me to keep partner hidden

[planetpurple]

From stbxh.
Purely because my stbxh was cheating bad had an affair and i want to divorce him on those grounds.
My prtner and I are together 18 months, don't live together and don't intend to for many years if we are together then. Is lawyer being safe?
Partner has met all family, friends and my kids and me, his.

Listen very carefully to your lawyer and follow their advice to the letter.

Hide new partner from who, you stbxh or court?

Have you already filed foe divorce? Are you in negotiations over financials?

Generally - obviously listen to your lawyer. If you are negotiating any sort of maintenance - then you having a partner may affect it. Especially if there is cohabitation.

If you haven’t yet filed, but have been separated for over 18mo - and are in England - I am not sure you can file for adultery. As it needs to be recent.
Why is it important to you to file for adultery?

It's not important per se but Unguess it was the reason our marriage ended.
As I am also in a relationship, it seems that I am an adulteress also!

I would think your partner would have to be named in the divorce also, as you say , you are by law an adulteress too . ( despite the circumstances)
Listen to your lawyer , I thi k divorcing due to an affair, is more complicated.

My solicitor advised me not to let STBXH find about about my new partner. The divorce process dragged out for over 3 years & we managed to keep it from him, despite having friends in common, a grown-up son who gets on well with the new man and living not too far from each other.

All over now & he still doesn't know

I wouldn’t bother filing for adultery. It just makes everything much more acrimonious and will make him more inclined to dig into your own circumstances.

Just put in a general petition for unreasonable behaviour, get him to agree to it and get out of the marriage as swiftly as you can so you can move on with your life.

Thanks everybody

I agree. It really doesn’t matter one jot what your divorce is granted for. Who cares? Nobody. You’re happy now with a fab new partner. Get the divorce signed ASAP and if that means dropping the adultery charge and filing for no fault just to get it done. Do it. You’re the winner here. Keep him hidden and once it’s signed do what you damn well please with your life and enjoy and leave that utter loser in the past. Good for you.

I'd just file for unreasonable behaviour (you can include the infidelity as one of the behaviours) or if you've been separated for 2 years or more, you can use that.

Adultery tends to make things messy, especially if you're intending to name a co-respondent.

I filed for divorce on grounds of adultery (ex's). I had a new partner by the time the divorce happened and ex wanted new partner's details so he could try and pay less maintenance. We weren't living together or planning to. None of his business and I'd take your lawyer's advice.

You don’t get a gold star for getting divorced due to adultery. No one will ever see that paperwork and it won’t be mentioned on the divorce certificate.

Did your lawyer explain why?

I would get your lawyer to make the petition as mild and vague as possible; stuff like ‘there was poor communication in the marriage’ rather than ‘x was unfaithful’. The more contentious stuff you put in, the more you will put your Ex’s back up, and that will lead to more exchanges between the lawyers and, ultimately, more cost for you.

Unless he’s likely to contest the divorce (and it doesn’t sound like he will), I would advise seeing the petition as a means to an end, not as a way of venting your hurt feelings/getting revenge on the unfaithful git.

Save your money for yourself and your future instead!

I wanted to divorce for adultery was told (pretty much word for word) that my solicitor had never seen an adultery petition end well for anyone except the solicitors. Basically the ex will usually fight it as they dont like having their dirty laundry played out in public and having to admit to shitty behaviour that they have somehow managed to justify. The cheated on spouse wants their pound of flesh and will not let it drop so it goes round and round with the fees costing a fortune and in the end, the divorce is the same. You will end up as divorced as you would if you just did it after 2 years with a no fault divorce. As a PP said, you dont get a gold star or an extra special divorce for doing this.

He hurt you, that much is obvious but it wont bring you any satisfaction I promise you.

Also I understand that you need to file within 6 months of finding out about the adultery in order for it to go through which is sounds like you havent.

Also I understand that you need to file within 6 months of finding out about the adultery in order for it to go through which is sounds like you havent.

I think if they broke up within 6 months of finding out, she can still go for adultery - if they stayed together trying to make it work longer than that, then no. But I agree it's not recommended usually to go ahead with it as the reason.