I have tried to make this thread 3 times now but always backed out because I am afraid. I have NC.
I'll try not to drip feed, also trying not to be outted.
Firstly, i have some stuff in my past which I see some professional people about. I often doubt my own thinking and whether I am just being paranoid etc.
Anyway, things have been a bit weird for a while. DH often in a mood, snappy, irritable, always saying it's been a bad day at work. A couple of weeks ago he decided he would buy me all sorts of things, dates, etc because 'I deserve it'.
I think something is off, so I anxiously ask him about it in a heart-to-heart one night, he says no, nothing is going on. He will not have his phone out when I am around (its been like this for years though) he leaves it in his office, brings it out if I am going out and then when I return he puts it back. Says he just wants to focus on us so he leaves it there.
After our conversation, we go into his office to get his drink and his phone lights up and I see a text from a number that's not saved in his phone, I don't know when it was sent and I can't say what it says word for word because as soon as I saw it he deleted it right in front of me but it started with "hey just messaging to say I hope he is feeling better now” and there was a "x" at the end (also another line of something but I couldn’t see it in time) our DC has been ill so I am wondering if its about that and I ask him, he says oh its nothing, and then I don't know who sent it and that it must be a wrong number, and then it meant nothing and then it might be about our DC or him as they have both been ill, and then he says it must be from his family from another country asking about DC (even though it was a UK number that text). He gets a bit angry at this point and keeps saying it meant nothing so it should mean nothing to me and I start to cry and feel crazy again. But it's not the contents of the message that's got to me, it’s the reaction to me seeing it, the deleting it and then the strange explanations plus the moodiness and sudden dates. I tell him I'm not stupid and he says maybe I need to take an anti-anxiety medication. I go to another room upset and he comes in and again says it meant nothing. Later on, he tells me I need therapy.
He is being lovely now and I just feel numb and anxious and that I am crazy.
Anyway, I can't talk to anyone in real life. I feel completely worn out but I am about to book therapy. I thought I’d post here so I felt less alone.
Thanks for reading.