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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to do this?

4 replies

Lowdad1 · 08/11/2021 19:06

Hi,

I've been with partner for 20 years, 2 children. She's my only ever gf but I've grown apart from her and feel very unhappy.

The past few months have been a little better, but I don't enjoy sex and feel I've checked out physically and emotionally.

Im only here for the kids and it breaks me the thought of not seeing them daily.

The thought of ending it is making me feel physically sick though, even though I know I need to 😩

OP posts:

layladomino · 08/11/2021 19:20

If you no longer love your gf then you must be honest with her. It wouldn't be fair to live a lie. She will surely know that something is wrong. You might find that she no longer loves you either.

If you split, you could be yourselves and would both be free to meet someone you could be happy with, if that's what you want.

I appreciate why you want what's best for your children, but you need to be honest with you gf first and foremost. She deserves that much. She will then be in a position to make her own decisions with all the facts at her disposal.

And if you decide you need to split, then do it decently. And be the best dad you can be to your children.

Original poster

Lowdad1 · 08/11/2021 19:28

@layladomino

Thank you. She has asked what's wrong with me & she can sense I'm not happy.

My worry is she's quite an aggressive person and I just know it will be a very hard conversation to have. Which is causing me a lot of anxiety.

I've felt like this for the whole of 2021, but have been burying my head in the sand, almost afraid to accept my true feelings

OP posts:

layladomino · 09/11/2021 07:19

Now you have realised how you feel, you can't unsee it. And it would be wrong to ignore it. Would therapy help, before you take any action?

Onthedunes · 11/11/2021 20:54

If it's making you physically sick, then you need to speak to her, with truth.

Where are you going, where do you want to be and with whom beacause she's not going to believe you want to leave the family to be on your own.

If you love your kids so much it has to be a pretty good reason to abandon that to be single and on your own.
She will automatically think you have met someone else.
I can guarantee.

Just don't gaslight her.

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