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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Keygate

8 replies

SeeTheOtherSide · 08/11/2021 18:04

Sorry for the long post. Trying to be fair in explaining.
So the other day after an evening at my in laws we arrived home, my husband drove. He parked the car on the drive and I took the car keys which had house keys attached and proceeded to open the front door. For context I use the car the most for school runs ect and my husband has a work van so I’ve just attached a set of keys to that for ease. My husband has his own keys which is were also in the compartment when I took them out. We were both sat in the front of the car when I took them. We have 2 kids he let one of them out who came inside and after a few mins I realised him and DD were still outside. I shouted out to say I had the car keys and he then came back inside. He was very annoyed and said why didn’t I tell him I took the car keys. I said ‘oh didn’t you see me pick them up’. He said no you should have told me, I didn’t see it as a big deal but as he had been looking for them for a few mins he was annoyed. He wanted an apology. I really didn’t see the big deal so didn’t apologise. Neither of us were really talking and so I brought it up the next day. He said I had been giving attitude and that if I had asked any of my friends they would say I was in the wrong. My response was they would probably all say you’ve totally overreacted. This made him even more angry and he said he had seen my true colours as I couldn’t admit I was wrong. I then apologised saying ‘if he felt I was in the wrong them I’m sorry’. He’s still really annoyed and now it’s been a few days and we aren’t really speaking. We say a few words RE the kids but that’s it. Am I missing something here as I feel this really isn’t a big deal?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/11/2021 18:08

Does he usually not speak to you for a few days when you argue? It’s such a trivial thing to disagree over

itsthewheeloffortune · 08/11/2021 18:09

In a situation like this I would have laughed and said "oh sorry, I picked them up, I wondered why you were out there so long".

If he's still dragging this on a few days later and giving you the silent treatment then I'd say this is a form of emotional abuse and you have bigger issues than a set of keys.

SoupDragon · 08/11/2021 18:12

Honestly, you should have apologised at the time but equally he should have let it go by now, as should you.

I then apologised saying ‘if he felt I was in the wrong them I’m sorry’.

That is not an apology at all.

SeeTheOtherSide · 08/11/2021 18:12

So our first year of marriage like any couple was tough but I’d say we were in a good place now 7 years on. We don’t usually argue? I’ve tried to explain this is probably a situation where we need to agree to disagree but he’s not having it. He can’t see how I can’t see how wrong I am Confused

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/11/2021 18:14

Our first year of marriage wasn’t tough
It’s not supposed to be

It sounds very difficult

TokyoSushi · 08/11/2021 18:17

This is how that would have gone in our house:

  • I take keys
  • DH doesn't notice I've taken them
  • After a few minutes I go out and say I have them
  • DH says 'Oh I didn't realise'
  • I say 'Oh sorry love, I have them here!'

The end, never thought of of spoken about again! I suspect you have bigger issues than they keys...

Arabelladrinkstea · 08/11/2021 18:24

I’m confused as how did you take the car keys without him noticing if he was driving and how was he going to lock the car if you took them?

It sounds like you might do this sort of thing often and not just say a simple sorry at the time? I don’t understand why you didn’t just say ‘oh sorry I didn’t say, I have both sets’ - it’s just common courtesy when you live with someone…..

Tempusfudgeit · 08/11/2021 18:29

Our first year of marriage wasn't tough, either. I'm concerned that your husband said you were 'giving attitude'. It doesn't sound like a fun environment for you or the children, OP.

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