Surrounded by assholes

[Yodella]

I grew up in an abusive household. My Dad is probably an alcoholic narcissist, my mum is quite a selfish woman and left for another man who has other issues.

This has meant that my asshole radar has never been very good. That's until I attended therapy, worked on my self esteem, did courses, read books and I'm now 7 years later. The problem is that I'm surrounded by people with issues, projecting their issues and I have no friends, no help from family, no support and I've realised that my husband was also a bad choice.

My brother is as narcissistic as my father, although I have a relationship with him, if something doesn't go his way, he'll name call me. My Dad is a waste of space and I keep a healthy distance from him. My mother is the best of the lot really but is very unreliable.

My husband is extremely self centred, has lots of MH issues and I believe is my husband as a product of my own poor self esteem 10 years ago. He is emotionally barren, neglectful and lives a life completely independent from me. We have 2 wonderful children together, but he takes us all for granted and only really cares about himself.

I parted with some old friends some time ago as I realised that their friendships were quite toxic and again, made on the basis of my low self esteem years ago.

My DHs family are helpful and supportive on the surface, but are controlling, manipulative people. MIL sneaks around behind my back talking about me, she criticises my parenting in underhand ways and will ask me uncomfortable questions that she already knows the answer to just to make me feel uncomfortable.

I'm a good mum, I have a good job which I love, work colleagues that I love, beautiful children but the rest of these people in my life are so toxic. And there are a lot of them. I have no friends because I've let go of the toxic friendships. I envy people who have long standing friendships from years ago as children and I don't really have anyone.

I feel like I've woken up and I'm ready to create a positive life with positive people, making positive choices. But I'm surrounded by asshole people still from a past I was born into and from choices I made as a result of a poor past. I don't want to be surrounded by assholes anymore. I want to change things.
How do I do it? Has anyone else ever had this realisation?

Just to add, the one positive person that I had within my family died some years ago. A great Aunt who I was incredibly close to- we were soul mates. She was wonderful and I really don't think that anyone else within my family is particularly nice. Not even aunts and uncles. Not even my grandmother.

I have no advice but I totally relate to your post. Following with interest - maybe someone else will have some ideas.

Hope so @doitafraid sorry you're in the same position 💐

Totally relating to all of this. Same situation . I changed jobs to get away from toxic colleagues. Left country no.2 to get to UK to escape alcoholic narcissistic husband.
My advice.
Join a health club. Focus on you.
Join a bookclub. Go gentle.
Go to rambling events
Join a church.
All these settings have gentle people who will smile and be sweet. Avoid anyone who shreds your heart or who is negative.
Put the me barrier up around you like the ready brek protector.
Not even my family are kind. So I'm.with you on that.
Find a nice easy friend. Just one. Develop that ....

Absolutely @floundery
If it's of any comfort to you, my counsellor has often told me that she's surprised at how many crappy people are around me and has assured me that it's not all in my head.

I promise you'll get there with help. The books toxic inlaws and toxic parents has helped, mumsnet has helped with me seeing my marriage for what it is over the years, I've had CBT, life coaching, done meditation, I journal 2-3 times a week, read books on mindfulness, assertiveness and authenticity, feminism. It has been a real hard slog and taken a lot of time and energy but I feel I'm almost there now ajd ready to let go and start living differently. It's just the remnants of my old life don't quite fit with what I want in my future.

Now and then, the old me and old life rears it's head but it soon goes again. It took me a long time to realise that I've spent my entire life feeling guilty for everyone else's feelings. That one issue has really messed my life up over and over again. Losing that feeling has been so freeing.

@signorAmarella some great suggestions thank you. I'm in the process of finding a regular pilates group which I'm hoping will help me find a gentle tribe.