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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you start again?

4 replies

ImFree2doasiwant · 07/11/2021 23:35

I'm 44, soon to be divorced (several years separated) with 2 small children. ExH rarely has them overnight (twice since may). I'm starting to feel lonely. I can't imagine having the sort of relationship sone people have. But I think I might like to try. I'm 44 though, sad just don't have muchbtjme to myself. I wouldn't want to introduce anyone to my dc for a long time How does this work?

OP posts:
updownroundandround · 08/11/2021 06:54

If you're feeling like you'd like to get out socialising again, or dating, then step 1 is to find yourself a good, reliable babysitter with affordable rates.

Maybe a friend who has older teenage daughters or a relative ?

Once you have the childminding aspect sorted, I'd start by going out with my friends again at first. It's amazing how many relationships started by my pals meeting a guy on our girls nights out.

If and when you felt ready to try 'dating' again, you could sign up to online dating, but think of it more like 'testing the waters'. Chat to lots of guys, weeding out the nasty, icky ones first. (i.e the ones who suddenly send you an unsolicited 'dick pic', or who ask sexual questions etc)

Eventually you'll get along with a guy and then you can move onto 1st date territory (where you'll again, weed out the icky, nasty ones). Just make sure you meet somewhere very public, never give out your phone number or address or even where you work. (I used to use a pay as you go phone for dating rather than give out my real mobile number)

Trust your instincts
Keep home/work/life details very vague

ImFree2doasiwant · 08/11/2021 08:10

Childminding is a problem. I live in the middle of nowhere so options limited in that respect. Going out with friends is a good idea though, I'd much prefer to do that than OLD.

The payg phone is also a great idea, thank you.

The logistics seem insurmountable atm!

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 08/11/2021 10:42

I don’t know I’ve been on my own for 5 years because I have my kids full time (they don’t see their dad) and like you I won’t introduce anyone to them for a long time so makes dating impossible as I never have a night off, how old are your children?

ImFree2doasiwant · 09/11/2021 11:58

@TurnUpTurnip sorry i didn't see this. They are 4 and 6. A baby sitter seems the obvious option but finances are an issue for me too. 4 yrs single here too so similar.

OP posts:
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